Mass Effect: Peroration
by Rob Sears
Summary: Taking place right before the run to the beam, Shepard faces his fears as he works to rid the galaxy of the Reaper menace once and for all. But, little does he know, that all of the events planned up to this moment do not go as intended as his path diverges from its set course in ways he could never expect! (Alternate ending to Mass Effect 3)
1. Prologue: So Bright

"…_..say….-gain…repeat…"_

"_Delta Two, please repeat your last."_

"…_-tain…approaching zone one. All clear."_

"_Confirm, Delta Two. Has the Destroyer been eliminated?"_

"_Roger, Alpha One. Clean hit with the Thanix. No th-….standby."_

"_Repeat, Delta Two. Say again?"_

"_-amn!...got…interference. Multiple bogies inbound! Engaging."_

"_Delta Two. Hold position. We're on our way."_

"_Neg-…. Continue to the rendezvous! We'll hold them off!"_

"_Maintain present heading, Delta Two. We need to reach the beam with the group."_

"_I copy, Alpha One. Moving to- wait…Harvester! Get down! GET DO-"_

* * *

_2186_

London, Earth

Shepard breathed out as he rested his back against the interior of the transport. He closed his eyes, savoring the temporary respite that he'd won while fighting for his life in the streets. The APC jolted, sending the commander airborne for a second before the vehicle found a smooth patch of road that was untarnished by the intense warfare.

Not five minutes ago, he and his squad were pinned down in the middle of an intersection by Reaper forces, masses upon masses of converted beings trying desperately to halt them in their tracks. He recalled wading into the slaughter, bathed in gore as he dispatched wave after wave of husks and other Reaper troops. They had been living beings once, independent and free. Now they were slaves to their will, resigned to their fate.

If he had been alone, he would never have made it out alive. Even over the screaming of banshees, his friends had not wavered, giving him the strength to persevere in light of unfathomable odds. He was proud of them, proud of all of them. To his left sat his best friend, Garrus Vakarian, a turian who he had known since he became a spectre for the Citadel Council. The two were practically inseparable, both yearning for order in the galaxy and each respecting the other's abilities while occasionally trading friendly banter in the mess.

Leaning on his right, however, was the lithe form of a quarian, draped in black and gold armor. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, his chief engineer, his friend, and his lover. Shepard could not see her expression behind the frosted purple of her visor, but he could feel the anticipation radiating from her body language. She was on edge, they all were. But most of all, she was scared at losing the human that she currently relied on for support.

Having been part of Shepard's crew for a long time, Tali recalled the feeling as she watched the Normandy SR-1 explode into flames from a Collector attack. She vividly remembered watching the view from the escape pod and slumping in her seat as she thought that her commander had been ripped from her life forever.

Two years later and, despite the overwhelming evidence, Shepard walked through a door on a human colony, Freedom's Progress, and Tali's whole life was turned upside down in an instant. She initially didn't believe that he could be here, that he was alive, but he had reassured her otherwise and her heart had soared. She was overjoyed that he had returned from the dead but even more so, she felt something different then, that there was a hole in her life that had a piece missing. She did not understand it at the time but she had slowly progressed towards deeper feelings toward Shepard, feelings that she was unable to emote on her own.

As if the galaxy was listening to her thoughts, their paths happened to collide when Shepard had been talking to her and he suddenly indicated his interest in her during the middle of a conversation. All the blood had rushed from Tali's head at the time and she was unable to form a coherent word at the fact that he wanted _her_ and no one else. She could not understand it, even though she was extraordinarily happy. How could he have fallen for her? She was only a silly girl and he couldn't even see her face. The more she thought about it, the less sense it made. However, despite that part of her brain that was telling her that she was getting her hopes up, he had repeatedly emphasized that he wanted to be with her, overcoming her natural instinct to duck away in embarrassment.

It had been one of the best moments of Tali's life when she realized that her feelings were reciprocated in force and was one of the reasons that she was right next to him now, to ensure that no one would ever take him away from her again. She pulled on his arm to reassure herself of this fact and Shepard gently put an arm around her shoulders, making her relax as she adapted to his comforting presence. She was still scared but beneath her burned a confidence that was not there previously three years ago. Shepard had taught her to be brave, even when death stared you in the face. She would not break, he needed her as much as she needed him.

As much as Shepard himself was calmed by the quarian's soft touch, he still worried about his other crewmembers. He had sent the majority of his crew across different sectors of London, dividing them up into three teams, with the purpose of meeting at one location, a landmark that was new to the skyline: a beam, created by the Reapers that served as a transport to the Citadel, which now hung overhead in Earth's atmosphere. The Reapers had moved the immense station here after they had been alerted of Shepard's plan to dock their weapon, the Crucible, to it in a final effort to rid the galaxy of the Reapers once and for all.

No one could offer an explanation on how this beam acted as a transport, only that it was directly in the line of sight of the station and that forces were pouring from the light unscathed. It wasn't much but it was the only plan they had.

The orchestrator of that part currently sat across from him. David Anderson, Admiral, was sitting upright, face grim as he spoke.

"From here on in, it's a straight shot to the beam." His leg was jittering nervously in anticipation, not that anyone could blame him.

A man near the front of the vehicle scowled, "A straight shot with Reapers trying to crush us along the way." Shepard did not know the man, Major Coats, all that well. Anderson had made the brief introduction when he had first made landfall and proceeded to skip any niceties entirely, moving straight on to business. From the way he handled himself and the confidence with which he gave orders, it was clear that the major was very capable at his job.

"We just need to get a handful of troops through," Anderson assured. "That's all we need."

The APC rocked as it swerved over more potholes in the ground, sending everyone lurching to the side. Garrus huffed in annoyance as his bulky armor clanged against the side of the vehicle, not allowing his back to extend fully.

"That all?" the turian commented dryly.

Anderson sighed, "We knew this was going to be a gamble at best. But we had to try."

Shepard nodded, gently extracting himself from Tali's grip as he stood, "I…can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with. My mentor, my friend, and…Tali."

Tears starting to form behind her visor, the quarian stood to match him as she fiercely embraced the human. "J-_John_," she gasped, unable to form any more words as her fear overpowered her motor functions.

Shepard sat back down as he returned the gesture, being that ever present rock for Tali to cling to. She sniffled and shook her head apologetically as the rest of the people in the vehicle briefly looked away, trying to give them a moment of privacy.

"We'll get it done, Tali," he assured. "Don't be scared. I'm here for you."

"We'll face it together," she said, voice a little stronger. "I've been with you all this time. I'm not backing out now."

Shepard mentally frowned. As much as he respected her decision to come with him, he was still racked with indecision. This was going to be a dangerous mission, what if she got hurt? Would it make sense to send her away? Would she understand his reasoning? But he pushed his thoughts aside as he realized that she was willing to die because she loved him so much. What she said was true, she would let nothing get in the way of them being together, not even himself.

Garrus coughed loudly as he now stood, stretching out to rid himself of the back pain that he recently developed from sitting in the uncomfortable seats.

"Feels like this fight's always been ours to finish," he groused. "Had I known I would be in this deep at this point, I might have passed up your offer to go after Saren."

Shepard grinned, "Despite your complaints, you stubborn turian, you would still regret not getting into the thick of things. You always relished a good fight." He strode over to the armored turian to give him a bear hug, to which Garrus responded to just as forcefully, both wrapped in a brotherly lock.

"We're in sight of the target," Coats called out before frowning. "Ericson, you blasted idiot, can't you see there's a pothole right in front of you? To the right, dammit!"

"Sorry sir," the driver said sheepishly. "Thought it was part of the road for a second."

"If you had hit that damn thing, it would have disabled the vehicle."

Anderson banged on the hatch as the vehicle slowed on top of a small hill, "All right people, this is it."

Everyone in the APC clambered out as the admiral was the first one to step out the door. The cool air of London washed over their faces and they stopped in their tracks as they looked towards where the front of the vehicle was pointing.

Tilted at a downward slope, about half a mile away, shone a bright beam of pure blue light as it extended to the heavens. Three huge columns, Reaper in design, flanked it in a triangle formation as they too blotted the sky with their reach. The beam was situated in the middle of a shallow crater, the sides pockmarked by bits of debris and wreckage, with ash coating the entire landscape.

Tali cocked her head, "Wait, are we not going down there?" From her vantage point, she could see vehicles of every make and model lining around the crater as they prepared to make the next move. Ground troops were nervously mingling about beside them but their group was making no such preparations.

Anderson shook his head, "We don't need to go down there yet. We only need to wait and see if any on our side make it."

"It puts us out of harm's way for once," Shepard agreed. "It looks like it will be enough so much as-"

**Shepard**.

He groaned as the voice filled his head, the feeling like it was grating inside his mind. He dropped to a knee as Tali knelt beside him, worried.

"Shepard? John, what is it?"

"It's…not good…" he gritted.

"What? What's not good?"

Shepard tilted his head to meet her gaze, "Harbinger."

As if on cue, an enormous object, two kilometers long, hurtled out of the sky to land right behind the beam, sending the ground quaking as dust flew from where it made contact. Straightening on its huge appendages, the Reaper known as Harbinger seemed to gaze everywhere at once, yellow eyes glinting maliciously.

**You cannot win, human.**

A roar filled the air, sounding like an amplified rendering of a garbage lid. Shepard covered his ears against the audial assault, groaning as his mind was invaded by the unwelcome presence. He clutched his head as Tali looked over him, Garrus in a state of confusion.

Despite the noise, Anderson raised his omni-tool to his mouth and yelled, "Hammer squads, go, go, go!"

The order given, hundreds of vehicles suddenly sprung down towards the beam in the center of the crater, some firing on the massive Reaper to distract it. Instantly, a beam of red shot from the undercarriage of Harbinger and merely touched a Mako, causing it to detonate, disintegrating the soldiers running alongside it. In the wake of several bursts along its armor, a _second_ beam materialized and simply swiped across, downing three Mantis gunships in the air.

**The cycle will continue. The harvest will not be delayed further.**

With machine precision, the Reaper continued to expel red death, never missing as it hit vehicle after vehicle, man after man, each one ceasing to be after they were pelted by Harbinger's onslaught. It was a better fate than indoctrination.

Anderson grimaced, "We're going to need a distraction." He raised his tool and activated the comm, "Sword, we need a diversion. Send all fighters to my coordinates and fire at will."

"Acknowledged, Admiral," came the curt response. "ETA four minutes."

"Admiral," Coats warned. "With that Reaper decimating everything in sight, we won't have four minutes before it turns on us!"

**You will know pain, Shepard**.

Shepard looked up, finally processing the terrifying sight before him. The Reaper stood victorious on the killing ground, no living soul stood in sight. The legs on Harbinger bent slightly and he knew what was going to happen the second before it did.

"Move!" he yelled, grabbing Tali and hurtling away down the hill. The APC they had been standing next to exploded, metal showering their position as a mixture of red and orange flame spouted into the air. The blast knocked Shepard to the ground as he rolled a few feet, Tali torn from his grasp. He gasped for air as the ash threatened to constrict him.

Rubbing his head, he looked over to see Tali lying beside him. Concern gripping him, he stood up and proceeded to run a hand along her body, checking for injuries.

"Are you hurt?" he asked. "Talk to me, are you okay?"

Tali nodded faintly, "I…I'm fine. A little shook up, but fine."

Shepard detected some hesitation in her voice and wordlessly activated the scan function on his omni-tool as he briefly swiped it across before addressing Tali, "You're not fine. You've got a cracked rib and a minor suit puncture."

"It…it's nothing," she gasped, desperately trying not to show her pain. "The breach is sealed and the rib…is fine. I can still fight."

"Shepard!" a new voice called. He looked up to see Anderson, a little singed but otherwise fine, with a familiar turian draped around him. He exhaled in shock as Garrus was gently laid to the ground.

"How bad is it?"

"Broken leg, but he'll survive."

"Where's Coats?"

"Gone to rally another wave but we can't do anything with that Reaper in that position."

"Shepard," Tali pleaded. "We can wait for a bit and then I'm-"

Shepard didn't acknowledge her as he cut her off, speaking into his comm, "I need a pickup at my location, does anyone read?"

"What?" Tali asked, confused. "Why-"

"I'm inbound to your location now, commander," a familiar voice burst through the interference.

In spite of himself, the human smiled, "Cortez? Is that you?"

"Affirmative commander. Grabbed a spare Kodiak after I'd shaken off the shock. Should be right on top of you in no time."

Shepard grinned as he spoke, "Just don't get shot this time, Cortez."

The man on the other end laughed, "Never again, Shepard."

True to the man's word, within moments the familiar boxy blue shape of the Kodiak shot through the skeletons of the nearby neighborhood and set down, out of Harbinger's line of sight. Shepard and Anderson grabbed each of Garrus' arms as the turian groaned, carrying him over to the shuttle. As Tali bent over to strap him in, Shepard leaned into the cockpit and quietly spoke to Cortez. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see the dark skinned man nod slightly, as if he was nervous about something, but what, exactly?

Shepard quickly moved past her without so much as a second glance, quickly stepping off the shuttle to rejoin Anderson outside. When Garrus was securely in place, she patted the side of his head as she moved to join Shepard. However, before she could accomplish that, the door to the shuttle slid shut, cutting her off from him.

She whirled to face Cortez but the pilot had locked himself in the cockpit, isolated from anyone. Her mouth open in shock, she could now see Shepard's face, downtrodden with regret. She threw herself at the door banging on it with her hands in the hopes that it would miraculously open. A sob came out of her throat as she opened a private channel to the man on the other side of the door.

"J-J-John…why?" she said quietly.

"I had to make sure you would get out of here, Tali," he said, voice slightly cracking. "It was the only way."

"B-but…I can't leave…please," she was starting to cry, tears falling unseen behind her visor. "Don't…don't leave _me_ behind…"

"I…" Shepard wilted. "I need you to make it out of here alive. I needed to know that you were safe." He walked over to the side of the shuttle, to the window to which Tali's gaze was glued. He lifted a hand to touch the glass, her hand moving to the same place, separated by just the pane. "Get back to Rannoch, build yourself a home."

"But…John," she cried. "I _have_ a home."

Through the glass, she swore she could see a solitary tear from his eye but he quickly wiped it away as he pulled his hand back, "I love you, Tali. Never forget that."

"I love you, John," she pleaded. "Come back to me."

Shepard stepped away from the shuttle, eyes never leaving Tali as he did so. He raised his comm as he spoke to Cortez.

"Get out of here, Steve."

"Roger that," came the somber reply.

As the craft lifted into the dark sky, Tali couldn't help but be reminded of how she felt two years ago when she last saw him on board the Normandy when it was destroyed. To see him now shrinking in the distance opened the floodgates, her bottled emotions all rushing out at once as she collapsed on the floor of the shuttle, bawling as the feeling of helplessness surrounded her. The miserable sounds that came through her voice modulator went by unfiltered as she started to shake in her sorrow.

_John…please live. Come back to me. I need you._

* * *

"You did the right thing, son," Anderson said gravely as they ascended the hill again.

"It doesn't feel that way," Shepard muttered darkly.

"Then focus on what feels right for _you_," Anderson indicated. "We're about to win this war so don't give up on me yet, soldier."

"Aye, sir," Shepard straightened.

Suddenly, a roar of thrusters powered through the empty air as five SX3 fighters screamed out of the clouds, their main guns blazing with energy. Reaching the top of the hill again, they could see that Harbinger was now focused on engaging the nimble fighters as they scurried around its beams.

"We gotta move!" Anderson yelled. "That's the distraction!"

Grunting, both men dropped down a small ledge and after an initial hesitation, took off at a full sprint. Despite the heavy armor, Shepard managed to keep pace with Anderson but it was having an effect on his stamina as he was starting to tire a lot quicker. He still hadn't regained all the energy he'd lost from fighting in the streets earlier and now he was paying the price.

Harbinger still hadn't noticed the two tiny humans scurrying towards the beam but by this time had downed two of the fighters that were swarming it as it started to comprehend their attack patterns.

Anderson was now several meters ahead. Occasionally he would look back at Shepard but he just waved a hand to further him on, now was not the time to focus on everyone. It was every man for himself. Sweat was pouring into his eyes as his breath rasped in and out. His legs burned as he put one foot in front of the other, his heart was racing so fast he thought he would go into cardiac arrest if he kept this up. And it still looked like they hadn't even made it halfway yet.

An explosion a hundred meters away caused him to glance to the right as he ran. It was the last SX3, Harbinger had nothing to distract him now. The Reaper loomed over the two, letting loose a powerful roar that shook Shepard's bones.

**You are nothing but an annoyance**.

A burst of red flared in front of him as the beam struck. Clutching to his combat instincts, he rolled to the side as death passed by only inches away. Another roar struck as Harbinger readied for another attack. Two beams this time exploded the ground but he merely ran in the opposite direction, weaving between the redness as they missed again.

Shepard was heaving as his breath did not seem to come back. He couldn't stop now, the beam was _right there_. He was going to make it.

His foot caught on a stray piece of shrapnel and he let out a yell as he tumbled. His hands shot out to catch his fall onto the broken concrete, shouting as the impact reverberated through his arms. He started to scramble to his feet, but not before the familiar voice rendered through his head once more.

**Serve us**.

Shepard's body was too tired to even move. He clutched his side as he gazed upon the beam that was bearing down on his position. The red, mixed with the blue from the beam, was so beautiful. He smiled as his world started to heat up.

_I'm sorry, Tali._

Shepard's world flared red hot before he faded into blackness.

* * *

"_Did we get anyone to the beam?"_

"_Negative, our entire force was decimated. It's too much! We need to regroup! Fall back to the buildings!"_

He was not dead. It seemed the gods of war had other plans for him yet.

Shepard groaned as the voices flitted through his communicator. White spots were playing with his vision, he was unable to discern anything for a few seconds. He recognized Coats' voice on the comm, Anderson said that he'd retreated to rally another group.

Interestingly, Shepard saw a huge form fly from its position on the ground, its yellow eyes ablaze. Harbinger. The Reaper was leaving the fight. Why was that? Was it pursuing Coats, thinking that it had properly dealt with him? Or was it leaving to go somewhere else, the Citadel perhaps?

Was that where Anderson was now? He had been in front of Shepard the whole time, and he wasn't with him now. Did he make it to the beam? Did that mean that the Crucible was in place?

He desperately wanted to be with Anderson. He needed to witness the final moment together. Shepard tried to sit up, but yelled as pain shot through his body. He spat blood from his mouth as he now looked down at himself.

His eyes widened in shock, the chestpiece of his armor was completely melted, the form distorted all out of shape. His gauntlets were gone, leaving the skin underneath slightly singed and cut up, but not too bad regardless. He felt his face and his hand came away bloody. Evidently there were some cuts to that area that were oozing blood. His side ached, he couldn't tell if he had broken a rib or not but his breath was coming in short gasps.

He got to his feet, fighting a wave of dizziness as he stood. His back did not want to seem to stand erect so he had to hunch forward until the pain had been lessened to its fullest extent. He put one leg forward and winced as a clearly broken ankle was unable to support his full weight. Stumbling through the pools of water that collected around the base of the beam, he continued to limp as he set it in his sights.

His pistol was still attached to his belt, the only weapon that was, and he unhooked it with his right hand, hanging it loosely by his side. Red was starting to creep into his vision, he growled as it was starting to constrict, a headache was starting to form. Desperate to peer through his haze, he could see that, from behind a large piece of building, three husks had suddenly burst from their hiding spot. Shepard immediately raised the pistol and brought it so that the sights fell across the head of each husk. Three shots loosed, three bodies fell, all of them now missing their heads.

Mumbling in determination, he limped forward some more, the red now enveloping everything that he could see. He raised a hand to try and somehow wipe away the intruding filter when at that moment, he felt a pain in his left side and fell heavily to the ground.

He shouted as his knees connected with the concrete and looked up to see a marauder leveling a rifle at him. Without thinking, Shepard pointed the pistol and squeezed once. The marauder stumbled backwards as its shields dropped and finally fell as one more shot burst apart the ex-turian's chest, watery, black discharge spewing everywhere.

Shepard groaned as he felt his side where the bullet had hit him. His shield generator must have been fried because it had cleanly passed right through him. He was bleeding heavily but he had no medi-gel to stem the flow. There was nothing he could do about it now as he got to his feet once more and pressed on, determined to reach his glowing objective.

His foot made contact with a smooth surface as he approached the beam, there was a vibrating in the air, a pulse that was rushing through his ears. He stumbled forward, pace increasing as he held out a hand, trying to touch what awaited him on the other side.

The light was overwhelming as Shepard felt like his body was being torn apart one molecule at a time. It was enveloping his entire being, he was now part of the brightness. Opening his mouth, he screamed as his presence vanished from the earth.

* * *

_**From Rob:**_

_**Well, well, well, didn't expect me to be back so soon, huh?**_

_**Working on the last bunch of stories, I had gained the confidence that I would be able to write my own alternate ending to Mass Effect 3.**_

_**That's essentially what this is: a headcanon. It will be loyal to what you see in the games, but from what you could already tell, I have changed up things a bit and they're only going to get more interesting from here.**_

_**Chapter updates will be a little more sporadic this time around due to a few events in my schedule taking priority but this will be completed within a few weeks, despite it being half as long (chapter-wise) as anything that I have previously written. But that doesn't mean that I don't intend to skimp on detail. I plan on this being as comprehensive as I can make it (but your standards and my standards are two completely different things) so stick around for a bit.**_

_**This will be fun to write as it is my first time writing a Shepard based story and the fact that this is going to be more accessible for casual ME fans.**_

_**I'm curious to know what you think of the switch so drop a review if you like what you see (...or if you hate it. That is the other half of reviews I guess).**_

_**Enjoy the ride and I'll see you at the end!**_

_**Edit: apparently there was another story that went by the name I had initially set so I changed it. Sorry for the confusion!**_


	2. Chapter 1: Trio

The ground raced below him as he sailed through the air. Shepard was dimly aware of the sensation of flying when all of a sudden he hit the ground hard, the impact expelling the air from his lungs. He coughed and groaned as he lay on the smooth metal surface, still trying to recover from his experience.

His skin was prickling, when he had touched the beam it had felt like every fiber of his body was on fire. He had tried to scream but his mouth could not make a sound as he was already away by that point. The trip was instantaneous but it still felt like a lifetime as he slightly curled into a fetal position, trying to mentally will his pain away.

"Shepard," came a voice in his ear.

He racked a horrible cough as he somehow found the strength to lift his body with his arms. His muscles burned, his vision blurry, and on top of that, he felt like his head was going to explode from the pressure that was building up inside it.

"_Shepard_," the voice said more insistently.

He slowly sat himself up so that he was situated on his knees, dust falling from his body. Now that he was upright, he started to look around the room he had been unceremoniously flung into.

The entire room was tinted red, the contours most likely built for the keepers. In fact, one was situated in the corner right now, working around a mound of something unintelligible at the moment. The keeper paid him no mind, they were exceedingly simple creatures like that. Shepard turned his head to the side and stopped when his gaze fell upon a nearby pile.

Bodies. Bodies of humans were strung around the room. All were in various states of decay, many missing limbs. The entire floor was soaked in blood and the stench was overpowering. Shepard's eyes widened as he slowly got to his feet and looked away but everywhere he looked, there were a set of empty eyes staring at him, silently begging.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Shepard spoke raggedly, "Anderson, you up here too?"

"Yeah," came the tired reply. "But I couldn't stay in my position, I didn't know if it was safe. Did you make it over here all right?"

Shepard started to walk forward as the other man spoke but growled as the pain in his side blazed, it felt like somebody was sticking a spear into him. He clutched his wound as the blood coursed through his fingers.

"Not exactly," he gritted. "But I'm moving. That should be enough."

"What's your surrounding look like?"

Shepard forced himself to glance around the room again as he continued to limp. His foot stumbled across a severed arm and he winced as he spoke, "It's dark…there's human remains scattered."

"Sounds familiar," Anderson said. "Reminds me of your description of the Collector base. I'm in a dark hallway right now as well. Don't know what's up ahead."

Shepard took the time to stop in his tracks, despite the horrors the room held as he was reminded of that miserable place, "Makes sense."

"You think they're building a Reaper in here?"

"Sure. They round them up on Earth…then send them up here to be processed. It's the safest place they could go."

"Goddamn abomination," Anderson hissed. "I'm going to keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better."

* * *

"Docking protocol received," EDI's voice flittered over the intercom. "Med team standing by for extraction."

The shuttle passed through the gravity barriers of the Normandy with ease as it proceeded to set itself down in the middle of the bay, rather than its usual spot. Cortez, extracting himself from the pilot's chair, keyed the door control and went to the seating area to unbuckle Garrus from his straps. He looked over at the opposite side and saw Tali, arms holding her legs as she drew herself close. There was something in Cortez that melded with her at that moment, he knew what it was like to lose a loved one and he felt Tali's pain in that moment.

Dr. Chakwas was outside the door at the time, James Vega and Kaiden Alenko with a stretcher. They strode into the craft and gently lifted the turian onto it, who opened his eyes with a laugh.

"_Vega_, you bastard. What are you doing _here_?"

"Things got too hot, _compadre_," the soldier said firmly. "We were airlifted out by Joker when everything started to go south."

"But…" Garrus gritted. "The mission. _Shepard_. Did he make it?"

Vega slowly shook his head, "I…don't know, man. I just…I don't know."

Chakwas then strode forward, "Medbay, now. We need to set his leg before an infection can take hold."

"Wait," Garrus held up a hand while lying down. "Where's Tali?"

Cortez sighed, "I'll go get her. She will probably need treatment after what's happened."

Getting a nod of approval from everyone around, he walked back into the craft where Tali was still sitting in her same position. He gently sat down beside her and brought his arms under hers, lifting her up.

"Come on, Tali," he soothed. "We have to go."

She sniffled, her visor tilting away from him as he tried to comfort her. Cortez frowned, the poor woman was clearly miserable.

"Tali, please," he beckoned. "We need to go now."

"He…" she mumbled, not listening. "He said…that he _loved_ me. He never said that before…"

Cortez did not have an answer for her as he carefully brought her to her feet and started to lead her out the door, where Garrus was still waiting for the quarian to exit. Her head drooped down in a sign of despair. Her tears had run dry at this point, she could no longer cry for him.

It was so unfair. Why now? Why did he have to go now? If he truly loved her, why didn't he stay? Her frail body trembled as her mind sought for answers she could not grasp. There was nothing that anyone could say to comfort her, only Shepard could do that.

Cortez's hands were now firmly planted on her shoulders, leading her towards the group. As Tali was walking, she turned to face the human.

"C-Cortez?"

"Yes, Tali?"

"You once told me about the man you loved…Robert. You said that…that he'd ordered you away. Why did you not go back for him?"

Cortez sighed, he hated reopening this wound in his life, but he reasoned that it would help Tali cope. If it made her feel better then it could bring some perspective into his own life choices, "He told me…that he didn't want me to die for him. He…wanted me to live, to carry on his memory. For years I told myself that I made the wrong choice, but…I know that this is what he would have wanted. For me to live in his stead."

Tali's body relaxed in his arms as she comprehended the meaning of his words. She turned around to address him, helmet tilting up as she whispered, "Then…you're a stronger person than I ever will be."

He was about to ask what that meant when suddenly, out of nowhere, a purple fist impacted with his jaw and he fell to the ground, unconscious. The poor man never knew what had happened in that moment as Tali wheeled back towards the shuttle.

"_Tali_!" Garrus cried, rolling off the stretcher to land heavily on his side, much to Vega and Alenko's shock. The turian started to crawl on all fours to reach the shuttle before standing in an awkward limp, "Tali, no! _Don't do it_!" He reached the door of the craft but she had already locked it. He banged on it with his fists, praying that she would acknowledge him.

As if on cue, her voice flittered through his comm, "I can't _leave_ him, Garrus. I can't stay here knowing that he could be in danger…that he could be _hurt_."

"Tali…" Garrus pleaded. "He wouldn't want you to risk your life like this. Please, stop this."

There was a roar as the thrusters to the Kodiak came online. The boxy craft started to hover in place as Tali fiddled with the controls, "I don't care what he would want, you _bosh'tet_! I _need_ him and I will never forgive myself if I don't go back for him."

"You can't just go out in the middle of a battlefield!"

"_Watch me."_

Before the turian could utter another word of protest, the shuttle pulsed and screamed out of the cargo bay, leaving everyone behind completely stunned. Tali, banking the craft to the side, programmed the Citadel as her coordinates. A few tears were running down her face but she didn't care. Shepard was in danger and she had to be there.

The Kodiak flittered in space, nimble fingers adjusting the craft to the proper orientation. Tali spun past a piece of wreckage as she determinedly gripped the console. Her eyes squinted as she fought to remain undetected in the debris field, silent as a ghost.

A Reaper oculus passed her by and she immediately keyed the weapons controls, sending it to the side as molten slag impacted with its outer armor. She fired methodically, breathing slow and steady as she continued to propel the craft forward.

There was no stopping her now as death and destruction rained around her. Her set course was locked, she was committed.

_I'm coming, John._

* * *

Shepard had now neared the far side of the room during the conversation. When he reached what looked like a dead end, the wall suddenly split apart to reveal a walkway that extended over a chasm.

"Doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've been to," he murmured to himself. He proceeded on, looking on either side of the rift. Electricity sparked between paneling on the ends of the long room. Much to his surprise, a few of the walls started to move back and forth with the current, shifting with a faint _whirr_.

"Hold on," he heard Anderson's voice in his ear. "There's something up ahead. A control panel, maybe?"

"Don't go too far ahead of me," Shepard breathed.

"I'm just going to go on to check-" the man's voice was suddenly cut off by a burst of static as Shepard neared a ramp. Weary, the man keyed the comm again.

"Anderson?" No response, "Dammit!"

He had reached the ramp by now and grumbled as his feet adjusted to the new gradient. Trying not to fall back over, he gingerly stepped up the smooth surface until he reached the apex of his climb. He could hear the sparking of lightning, there was a hint of ozone in the air. Reaching the top, he saw the outline of a man, bathed in an orange light as he stood in front of a control panel. The panel itself was situated on the end of a circular platform, overlooking the grid of the Citadel itself, titans above the masses. Situated above the platform was an intricate structure that expelled electricity and a faint metallic groan as the entire thing adjusted. This was something none of them had seen before.

Relief in his bones, Shepard approached the admiral from behind until a brief presence fluttered through his mind. As soon as his consciousness touched the figure, he realized with certainty what was happening. Black tendrils were now pulsing across his vision, constricting him as his muscles seized, unable to move, nerves flaring uselessly as they acted of their own accord. There was nothing he could do, he was stuck in this position. What was happening?

"An…Anderson…" Shepard groaned.

The admiral was now stepping away from the holographic console backwards. His limbs were jerky, his entire body seemingly fighting an unseen enemy. He turned around to face the commander, face in a position of shock.

"Shepard…I c-can't…" he managed before his eyes widened. "_Behind you_…"

"I underestimated you, Shepard," came a new voice in the direction that Anderson was looking. He knew who it was as the silky, hardened sound came across his ears. He tried to turn his head, to witness his addressor but the tendrils made any movement impossible.

Such action was unnecessary as the Illusive Man strode into his field of view, smirking as he beheld his two captives. Shepard could now finally see, in the flesh, the man who had tormented him for the past few months. The man who played god while the galaxy crumbled around him.

That man was far different from when Shepard last saw him. His face was a ruin, large portions of his skin had turned black and withered away entirely, as if diseased. Underneath, he could see the faint lines of blue circuitry running along his neck and up his jaw. The man's artificially blue eyes now blazed with something beyond the realm of humanity. His hands were no better off as the skin had sloughed off entirely, leaving nothing but blackness and blue wires for all to see. The man, at this point, was little more than a husk.

"What have-" Shepard tried to speak before his jaw clattered shut, betraying his own impulse.

"I warned you," the Illusive Man said calmly, oblivious to his grievous appearance. "Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers…and of you, if necessary."

Anderson groaned, "They're…they're controlling _you_!"

A brief laugh came from the Illusive Man, "I don't think so, Admiral."

Shepard squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, trying to escape the black. There was a faint hint of chanting in the air, some unknown language was floating through him, yelling. He opened his eyes as he spoke, "Controlling me is a lot different than controlling a Reaper."

"Come now, Shepard," the Illusive Man beckoned. "Have a little faith."

The man was now starting to pace around the room, eager to share in his revelation, "When humanity first discovered the mass relays, when we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined…there were some who thought the relays should be destroyed! They were scared of what we'd find, terrified of what they might let in."

He was now walking around Anderson, tilting his head in apprehension as one would consider a morsel of food, "But look at what humanity has achieved! Since that discovery we've advanced more than the past ten thousand years combined! And the Reapers will do the same to us again, a thousand fold."

The Illusive Man was now situated between the two soldiers as he acknowledged them, "But, only if we harness their ability to control."

The modified man simply raised an arm and Shepard yelled as it felt like his skull was about to split, the headache pounding, the chanting getting louder. To his horror, his arm that gripped his Predator was now rising, not to face the Illusive Man, but Anderson. The admiral threw up an arm in vain as if that would somehow protect him.

"_Bullshit_," Anderson spat. "We destroy them, or they destroy us."

"And waste this opportunity?" the Illusive Man snorted, now walking behind Shepard. "Never."

"You're playing with things you don't understand," Shepard said, breath quickening. "With power you shouldn't be able to use."

The Illusive Man slowly turned towards Shepard, "I…don't believe that. If we can control it, why shouldn't it be ours?"

"Because," Shepard shut his eyes as the voices continued their onslaught. "We're not ready. We never will be."

A hand came to the Illusive Man's face as he touched the implants, gently stroking them in reassurance, "No, this is the way humanity must evolve. The way everyone must evolve, to take what we can control, to seize what we can grasp!"

"There's always…another way," Anderson pleaded, looking terrified.

"I've dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers, and I know with certainty that the Crucible _can_ control them."

"And then what?" Shepard intoned. "They become your pawns? You exert control over the galaxy against everyone's will?"

"As always, Shepard, you're too dense to see the real picture. Just look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do!"

The tendrils made another press towards Shepard's sanity as the Illusive Man raised a fist, glowing with azure energy. His finger, pistol still pointing outward, twitched ever so slightly and the gun banged in his hand. Shepard's mouth opened in shock as Anderson jerked, a spray of blood coming from his stomach. The admiral winced in pain and appeared to flit in and out of consciousness as his body was still being supported by the Reaper's control.

"The real picture?" Shepard managed through his hate. "I see what they did to _you_."

"I took what I wanted from them! Made it my own!"

Shepard now yelled as he felt another pull towards his fragile soul. He felt like something was reaving inside his body, twisting his limbs, his mind. He gasped as he almost lost control, vision almost going completely black. He vomited where he stood, red mixed with black in a horrible combination fell to the ground. He remained standing in a daze as the Illusive Man continued to rant.

"This isn't about me or you. It's about things so much bigger than _all of us_!"

"He's wrong," Anderson's voice pierced through the fog. "Don't listen to him.

"And who will _you_ listen to, Shepard? An old soldier, stuck in his ways? Only able to see the world down the barrel of a gun?"

The admiral was slowly turning to face the Illusive Man now. Calmly lifting a hand, he fiercely prodded the wound in Anderson's abdomen, causing him to scream in pain. Shepard had never heard the man scream like that before.

"And what if he's wrong?" The Illusive Man gritted, "What if controlling the Reapers _is_ the answer?"

Drawing from the pit of his stomach, he coughed out, "If we destroy the Reapers, this ends today. But, if you can't control them…"

"But I can!" Despite his assured certainty, the man was starting to get agitated.

"Are you willing to bet humanity's existence on it?"

"Damn it, Shepard. I…know…it will work!" However, the Illusive Man was starting to clutch at his head as his voice started to fail. He shook from side to side, as if he was trying to rid himself of the dark choir in the back of his mind as well.

Shepard smiled, "You can't, can you? They won't let you do it."

"No!" the Illusive Man screamed. "_I'm_ in control! _No one_ is telling me what to do! I know what you're trying to do, Shepard. It…won't…work!"

"Listen to yourself," Anderson groaned. "You're…_indoctrinated_."

"No…_no_! The two of you so self-righteous…so assured. You think power like this comes easy? You should know most of all that there are sacrifices to be made!"

"You've…sacrificed too much," Shepard coughed.

The Illusive Man screamed as he bent to his knees, clutching himself as he writhed. "Shepard," he pleaded. "I…I only wanted to _protect_ humanity…the Crucible can control them, I know it can! I…just…"

There was a forceful pressure in his heart, it felt like something had it in a tight grasp as he groaned, "It's not too late. Let us go…we'll do the rest."

"I...I can't do that, Shepard."

Despite his injury, Anderson laughed, "_Of course_ you can't. They own you now."

Walking behind the admiral, the Illusive Man reached for the man's belt, producing a pistol which clicked and beeped as it extended from its collapsed position. The indoctrinated servant handled the weapon with care, caressing it as if the cold metal object were somehow _alive_.

"You…" he began. "You'd undo everything I've accomplished. I can't…I _won't_…allow that to happen."

Shepard shook his head, "Because of you…humanity is already undone."

"That's not true!" the Illusive Man cried, pistol flailing in the air as he waved his arms. "All I've done is for humanity, more than you'd ever know!"

"All for humanity? The Reapers have the Citadel now! They've got us fighting each other instead of fighting _them_!"

"I just need to-!"

"You're doing exactly what the Reapers want you to! You're still doing it because they control you!"

"I…" the Illusive Man bent over as he started to cry. "They're too _strong_…"

"You're stronger!" Shepard shouted. "Don't let them win. Break their hold, don't let them control you!"

The Illusive Man straightened as calm flashed through his face. His gaze was one of absolute serenity as he closed his eyes, savoring the feel of air on his skin, the sharp tang of ozone. His blue eyes flared as he opened them again and his lips parted to speak.

"I tried, Shepard."

Before the commander could say one more word, the Illusive Man brought the pistol up to his head and fired immediately. Shepard shut his eyes at the last moment, but not before he could see an explosion of black part from the man's head, a horrible squishing noise coming soon after as the body fell to the ground.

Freed from his control, Shepard and Anderson both fell to the ground, the latter unable to find the strength to catch himself, impacting heavily. The black tendrils were gone, the chanting quieted. Everything seemed so peaceful now. Eyes focusing with concern on the admiral, Shepard walked over to the console and steadied his body against it. Eyes dropping to the display, he lifted a finger to the holographic interface and gently flicked a control. A series of huge _clangs_ reverberated through the station as the arms unlocked and swung outward, revealing the expanse of space to the two humans. Flares of ships exploding dotted the landscape, obstructing the otherwise pristine view of the planet below. Flushed with satisfaction, Shepard stumbled backwards until he met Anderson and sat down next to him.

Both men soon felt another vibration as the Crucible most certainly docked with the station. They didn't bother to check as they sighed in relief. Anderson barely turned to his protégé.

"Commander," he murmured.

Shepard nodded, "We did it."

"Yes," the other man said, a brief smile flickering across his face. "We did."

They both scanned the expanse that was in front of them. A beautiful orb, oceans of blue, puffy white clouds, it was the most stunning thing both of them had seen.

"It's quite a view," Anderson said simply.

"Best seats in the house."

The admiral sighed, "God…it feels like years since I last sat down."

"I think you've earned a rest, sir."

Anderson groaned as his eyes drooped. Shepard, alarmed, moved to reassure his mentor, "Stay with me, we're almost through this."

The man gave Shepard one last, sad smile, "You did good, son. You did good. I'm…proud of you…"

With that, the man's eyes shut and his head lolled to the side, supported on Shepard's shoulder. Shocked, Shepard lightly shook him, desperate to wake him.

"Anderson?" The man did not respond, "Anderson, get up! _Please_…I…"

It was no use, Admiral David Anderson had passed. Shepard was frozen in grief and gently laid his head across the man's chest as he started to cry, his sobs wracking his entire body. Hadn't he sacrificed enough at this point? What else was there to take?

_Not Tali. Surely not Tali._

The thought of her caused his tears to stop, the flow stemmed at the warming thought of her presence. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He still had to return to her. It would be his final mission.

Before he could collect himself, he heard a voice speak from his comm, "Shepard? Commander?"

Shepard frowned, it was Admiral Hackett. He wouldn't be calling unless its purpose had dire consequences. "I…" he groaned. "What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing's happening. The Crucible isn't firing. It's got to be something on your end."

Shepard mustered himself to find the strength to move, crawling over to the console on the edge of the platform. His limbs felt heavy, impossibly heavy. He had been fine a few moments ago. What was happening? Was it the wound on his side that was starting to take its toll? Was it because his body was shutting down? Was he dying?

His vision was going blurry again as he tried to discern the symbols on the display, "I don't see…I'm not sure how to…" Mumbling incoherently his arm gave and he collapsed to the floor as his breathing came in quick gasps, his pupils going haywire as he desperately tried to focus his sight. He saw that he was leaving streaks of red on the ground wherever his face touched. He had lost too much blood, he was left lying in a daze.

He felt like he was flying again, the room around him looked like it was descending. He was confused at his predicament. Why was he rising? There had to be a logical explanation but he was too disoriented to even produce a coherent thought. Mumbling in a panic, he could only watch as his world got brighter and brighter.

All time seemed to stop as the outside world vanished from his perspective.


	3. Chapter 2: Duo

It was the stillness of the air that caused him to open his eyes. He gazed around, uncomfortable from the lack of any stimulus to his senses. There was no wind to blow his hair, no sounds for his ears to pick up, no scent for his nose to detect. Absolutely nothing. A void.

He groaned as his tortured body rose, trying to comprehend where he was. And the sight took his breath away.

Looking up, he could see the round formation of the Crucible which meant that he was somewhere at the bottom of the Citadel. How he got there was anyone's guess. Straight ahead was an odd looking structure that featured two jutting, mechanical, Reaper-like pylons that were aimed towards the center of the entire thing. In the middle shone a bright blue beam, not unlike the one that transported him to this station in the first place. But what shocked him more was the fact that he was completely exposed to the open space. There were no shields protecting him from the vacuum but he was still able to breathe in his state. His mind tried to wrap around this fact but he gave up and accepted it for what it was.

But he was still confused. Why was he here in the first place? How did he come to be here when the last thing he remembered was lying down in the interior of the Citadel, next to Anderson's body. Was this another Reaper trick? He wanted answers. Now.

Answering his silent demands, Shepard saw a vague form appearing in the distance, moving towards him. It was short and glowing, bands of energy flowed around and through it as it gave shape. It approached Shepard and acknowledged him as if were talking to an equal.

"You're awake."

Shepard frowned, the voice that came from the form sounded rather…young. As if he was speaking to a kid. He squinted his eyes until he finally recognized the figure that the energy had chosen to represent.

A young man. A child. More specifically, it was the child that had haunted his dreams ever since Vancouver. The child he couldn't save. He gasped at this, what was happening?

"Who…what are you?" he asked cautiously.

"I am the Catalyst," the figure said matter-of-factly. The more Shepard listened to its words, he could hear several different intonations embedded in the speech. He could hear a hint of a female, a wisp of an older male. It dimly reminded himself of Garrus' flanged speech that all turians possessed.

"But…" Shepard said lamely. "I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst."

"No," the figure said sternly. "The Citadel is part of me."

"If you're the Catalyst, then can you help me stop the Reapers?"

"Perhaps. I control the Reapers. They are my solution."

Shepard frowned. He was not expecting this line of dialogue at all, "Solution? To what?"

"Chaos."

The figure then turned around to walk towards the beam, Shepard followed at a distance, eyes wary, apprehension ever growing.

"The created will always rebel against their creators," the figure continued. "But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order."

Shepard stopped walking as he considered the meaning of the Catalyst's words, "By wiping out organic life?"

"No. We harvest advanced civilizations, leaving the younger ones alone. Just as we left humanity alone the last time we were here."

"But you killed the rest-"

"No," the Catalyst said even more forcefully, seemingly growing impatient at Shepard's inability to understand. "We helped them ascend, so they could make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form."

Shepard considered this as the Catalyst pointed to a Reaper on the edge of the battlefield, its red laser blazing. "I think we'd rather keep our own form," he said.

"You can't," the Catalyst asserted. "Without us to stop it, synthetics would destroy all organics. We created the cycles so that never happens. That is our solution."

"And how exactly did you come up with this solution?"

"When we realized the correlation between the rise of synthetics and organic involvement. I was created to be the bridge between the two, the Catalyst. In essence, you only exist because of our involvement."

Shepard cocked his head, "So who created the Reapers?"

"By ones who never even looked upon this galaxy with their own eyes."

Shepard recoiled, "The Reapers exist elsewhere?"

"Correct," the Catalyst nodded. "We have ensured that the cycles have continued for even longer than you can fathom. Our involvement was deemed necessary when we first observed the same patterns repeating themselves across the universe. We have only been following our purpose that our creators had intended ever since."

"By using the Reapers to harvest life?"

"Yes. Their creators gave them form, they gave me purpose."

Shepard gave a small laugh in disbelief, "And your creators? What happened to them?"

"They became the first true Reaper," the Catalyst said mildly, as if discussing the weather. "They did not approve, but they did not realize that they were part of the problem that they had envisioned."

"And all this?" Shepard waved his arms to the heavens, denoting the ships locked in battle above them. "All the slaughter? To protect us from synthetics? How does this help?"

The Catalyst produced the machine equivalent of a shrug, "Synthetics, by their very nature, seek perfection. To be perfect requires them to evolve. Synthetic evolution, as we have observed, has always led to conflict as they strive to surpass their creators. You also indicate that you are in conflict with the Reapers, but they are not interested in war."

"I find that hard to believe," Shepard said with annoyance at the construct's indifference.

"Would you call a fire burning in conflict? A fire's purpose and our purpose are no different. We simply _are_ and will continue to do so unless we find a new solution."

"Does the Crucible help you with finding a new solution?"

"It depends. Our original intent was to restore balance to the galaxy, preserving cultures, memories, individuals in the reborn form of a Reaper. Many cycles ago, we noticed the design of the Crucible being formed. Its purpose is adaptable, even though it is a crude design, but effective in its purpose. Apparently organics are more resourceful that we realized as we believed the concept had been eradicated."

"Your original solution was flawed, which is why we created the Crucible in the first place!" Shepard said loudly. "You're taking away our future! Without our future we have no hope! Without hope, we might as well be machines, to do whatever we're told"

"You have hope," the Catalyst said simply. "More than you think. The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever proves it." The intelligence looked away for a second before continuing, "But you are right in one regard. It also proves that my solution won't work anymore."

"So now what?" Shepard growled, starting to get irritated at the lack of progress.

"We find a new solution."

Shepard regarded the Catalyst below him. He was still mildly disturbed at the form it had chosen. To take the shape of the child that had died, in spite of his assistance, was an outrage. Were the Reapers deliberately trying to submerge him in his grief and regret?

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked. "Why help me? Why help organics if this was not your original intent in the first place?"

"Do not assume that _we_ are helping _you_," the Catalyst intoned. "Rather, it is _you_ who are helping _us_. Your presence here has altered the variables."

"What does that even mean?" Shepard said urgently.

"The Crucible changed me when it docked. It gave me new energy, expanded the realm of possibilities. But I cannot set these changes in motion, for the process requires a corporal form. If there is to be a new solution, _you_ must act."

The form waved a hand to Shepard's right, indicating one of the pylons that glowed a deep red. Shepard could see a bundle of cables wrapped behind a thick glass wall as the Catalyst explained, "It is now in your power to destroy us. But be warned, others will be destroyed as well. The Crucible will not discriminate, _all_ synthetics will be affected."

"And me? I'm partly synthetic from my upgrades. What will that do?"

"Technology you rely on will be affected, but the damage should be easily repaired. The energy released from the Crucible will not be based strictly to Reaper forms, all will be targeted."

Shepard breathed, "But the Reapers will be destroyed?"

The Catalyst paused for a brief second before responding, "Yes, but the peace won't last. Soon your children will create synthetics and then the chaos will come back. And without us to intervene, there will be nothing to stop the inevitable conflict."

"Despite the fact that we made peace between synthetics? The geth are fighting against you alongside us!"

"This is not an anomaly, your mind cannot comprehend what despair will drive individuals to do. In the wake of seemingly overwhelming odds, alliances will be made, but the chaos will resume. It always has."

"Do you have an another option, then?" Shepard grimaced as his side started to throb again. He planted his hand to the wound as he hissed in pain.

Ignoring his grunts, the Catalyst turned to the left indicating the second pylon, a deep blue emanating from two leads that extended from the structure, "You could alternatively use the energy of the Crucible to control the Reapers."

Shepard's head rose in shock, "What? You mean the Illusive Man was right after all?"

"Yes," the Catalyst nodded. "But he could never have taken control. We already controlled him. He only believed what we wanted him to believe, until it was too late."

"But…" Shepard said in realization. "I _can_ control them."

"You will die," the construct said bluntly. "You will control us, but you will lose everything you have. Your form will be dissolved but your thoughts and memories will continue. You will no longer be organic…"

Shepard stopped listening after the Catalyst had divulged that bit of information. He mentally shook his head as he straightened more. His thoughts were free from the blackness but he now heard a solitary voice whisper in his ear, reciting a strange language. A purple filter suddenly fluttered in his vision as he was brought back to the present as the Catalyst was continuing to talk.

"…We will be yours to control and direct as you see fit."

Shepard turned his head away in apprehension, musing.

"There _is_ one more solution," the intelligence offered. Shepard looked at the small form as it turned to the center, towards the column of blue light, "Synthesis."

"And that is?"

"You will add your energy to the Crucible's. When that happens, the chain reaction will combine all forms of life, synthetic and organic, into a new framework. A new DNA."

"How is such a thing possible?" Shepard asked.

"When you add your organic energy, it will be dispersed throughout the galaxy. This will alter the matrix of life entirely, creating new connections, new webbing, new life. Organics seek perfection through technology, synthetics seek perfection through understanding. With this final step, organics will be able to achieve perfection with harmony through synthetics, while synthetics will be able to reach understanding in the way only organics can."

Shepard was growing more and more apprehensive by the minute as the Catalyst continued, "It is the ideal solution. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life, but it is not a change that can be forced. Your involvement will signify the willingness to adapt and evolve and the change will be implemented seamlessly."

Shepard took a small step back, "I…don't know. That's still a big change…for everyone."

"Why not?" the Catalyst asked. "Synthetics are already part of you. They are the reason that you are alive right now, can you imagine your life without them?"

"So what happens afterward?"

"The cycle will end. The Reapers will stop the harvest and there will be peace. However, the change will require you to submit your body and soul to the Crucible."

"I have to die for the change to take place?"

The Catalyst nodded once again, "There is no other way." The Catalyst took a step back to match Shepard now, "The paths are open, but you have to choose."

Shepard looked around the wide expanse. Three different pathways, three different choices. He was not mentally prepared for the ramifications of him being here. He had come here to stop the Reapers, didn't he? How was he supposed to know that he could control them all along? Or even more so, synthesize life altogether? It was hard to believe.

He ran a hand through his scalp, feeling the shorn hair as the voices in his head rose an octave.

"_Control is the means to survival…"_

"_We destroy them or they destroy us…"_

The Catalyst's holographic lips turned down in a frown, "There is little time. You must make the choice if you want to end the cycle. The Reapers are opposed to the idea of change and they will work to see that your efforts fail."

Shepard took a step forward, barely even acknowledging the left path. He limped forward once, then again, then again. Once he reached the trident where the paths diverged, he took a deep breath and willed the one voice he only wanted to hear in the galaxy.

"_I love you, John_."

The realization and finality of his choice loomed overhead, threatening to pin him to the ground. A smile spread across his face as he now knew where he must go. The only way he _could_ go. He lifted his foot…to the right and stepped towards the red pylon, feeling strength flood his limbs with each planting of a foot. He yanked his pistol from his side as he proceeded forward, flicking off the safety simultaneously.

The Catalyst appeared in front of him, "What are you doing?" It seemed alarmed by his actions.

"Making my choice," Shepard gritted.

"You would condemn your species, the entire galaxy, without so much as considering the effects of your decision?"

"I set out to destroy the Reapers…and that's what I'm going to do."

The Catalyst was now struggling to keep up with his increasing pace, "Despite the options presented to you? Knowing that synthesis is the apex of evolution for you and everyone?"

"Based on what you told me, yes." Shepard sighed as he walked right through the intelligence. "I'm not about to act on what a construct created by the Reapers would recommend what actions I should take."

"There's another reason," the Catalyst persisted. "There has to be a variable that we have not covered. Tell us! What is it?"

Shepard, now facing the bundle of cables, turned his head, "Your other solutions are unacceptable. I will never bend the Reapers to my will and I will never alter the very fabric of life if that means any one of you continue to live. Your existence would be a constant reminder of how you tried to rape and eradicate our existence entirely. I cannot allow that. We don't need you to survive."

"You're hiding something!" the Catalyst hissed. "Those aren't the only reasons why."

Shepard was stone-faced, unwilling to give another inch to this…abomination. The construct's projected features smoothed in realization as it understood the organic's reasoning.

"Of course…" it said in disbelief. "_Love_. It was obvious…" The Catalyst shook its head, "We should have anticipated that your decision would be impaired if your mind was set on such an insipid and parasitic concept."

"It's a concept that you would never understand," Shepard spat. "You're just machines. I'm alive…and I will end you right here." _ I will come back to you, Tali. I love you too much to martyr myself here._

**You will submit!**

Shepard yelled as his muscles seized once more, held in place by the Reaper's meddling. An orange glow fell across his eyes and he glanced to the side, finding the squid-like form of Harbinger projected over him.

**Why do you persist? Why will you not accept your fate?**

"I'll…never…be your…slave!" Shepard shouted.

**You have no choice.**

Shepard clenched his jaw shut as his pistol wavered in the air, not focusing on any particular target. The familiar black tendrils snaked across his eyes, bringing back his unbearable pain in his head. Shepard shouted and squeezed the trigger once. A crack appeared in the glass across from him. The tendrils retreated slightly and Shepard grinned.

**Stop this**.

"Never."

Another shot, another crack. Shepard grimaced as the embrace of the Reaper was all around him, threatening to cut him off from all that he knew, all that he could fathom.

**You will change nothing.**

"I already have!" he roared as he pulled the trigger a third time. The glass protecting the cables shattered, exposing them to the air and the elements. Shepard smiled in triumph as he brought his pistol to bear one final time.

Harbinger was not quite done with him yet as a howl filled his consciousness. His aim jerked off course as his arm twitched to the side. He grabbed his stubborn limb and _wrenched_, trying to bring it back into place as the rendering of the Reaper projected everywhere.

**The cycle will continue!**

Shepard screamed as his arm was brought back into place, drawing from every reserve of strength his body held. Even then, it was too much as Harbinger's hold on him was too strong. A grinding sound of metal on metal shrieked triumphantly, and Shepard could feel his despair start to swallow him whole. The galaxy was on its own, he had failed them.

"_I love you…John. Come back to me…"_

Letting out a bellow capable of shattering the stars, he lifted his arm in a rush and from out of the barrel exploded a white hot bullet, traveling at sublight speeds on course to its predetermined path. The cables sparked once and then everything within the pylon exploded in a sizzling rush as electricity arced everywhere, melting everything it touched. Shepard fell to the ground, the pistol skittering over the edge of the platform as Harbinger roared in anguish.

**No! How could you resist?**

Shepard coughed as he rose to face the apparition, "Because one living person is standing where no others have been. That's a victory in of itself."

**Your arrogance has doomed everyone, Shepard.**

"Look who's talking!" Shepard laughed. "You can't even bring yourself to admit that you've lost, machine."

The ghostly hologram of Harbinger tilted in a gesture that Shepard could not interpret.

**On the contrary, you cannot begin to grasp that the war…has not even started.**

Shepard tilted his head in confusion, wondering what the Reaper was referring to when suddenly, Harbinger's eyes glowed brightly, making him throw up a hand to protect himself from the glare. The orange light was permeating his eyes, through his lids, he could not escape the glow. He felt a hot substance all over his body. The warmth coddled him, embraced him, and was transporting him away, far away.

And though his impairment, he could still hear the Reaper drone in its confidence.

**Assuming direct control.**

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**_

_**Don't think I'm going to end it right there! We still haven't hit the halfway mark yet.**_

_**I wanted to post two chapters today because I am unsure that I will get to write for a bit due to a few hiccups in my schedule (which is a shame, because I'm looking forward to the next one). Consider this a concession for my absence in case I get to writing it a bit later than usual.**_

_**Now we're going to get to the part where I really start diverging from the story. Hope you're ready.**_


	4. Chapter 3: So Dark

There was a splash as Shepard thrust his arms out to arrest his fall. He felt his hands sink into an ooze, fluid lapped at his lower legs and upper arms as he lay on all fours. He felt light, he was unarmored. His ruined outer layer had been completely shed, leaving him with a simple set of pants and a shirt.

Opening his eyes, he blinked as the light slowly dimmed. He could see white sand, an orange sun, and magnificent rock formations. He looked up and saw that the sky was a light orange with hues of purple. The thought made him pause. He had only been on one world before that had such a landscape like this. He was on Rannoch.

He looked from side to side, trying to see where the beach ended. He only saw the same white line extend around the wide expanse of the ocean. There was a salty tang in the air, he could feel the spray on his face as he lay in the surf. He gently rose to his feet as he gaped in confusion. How did he even get here?

There was a gentle sound of water being disturbed behind him. He felt the ripples from a moving mass in the parts of his legs that were submerged beneath the ocean. He turned around, anxious to see a face in this desert.

Walking toward him, eyes burning brightly, was not a face that Shepard expected to see. The Collector's entire body was wreathed in an angry maze of fiery cracks, glowing as the monstrosity loomed over him. Shepard backed up towards the shore in apprehension, what was going on? What was a Collector doing here?

Without a sound being made, the insectoid alien suddenly sprung forward to grab Shepard's neck in a pincer-like grip. Shepard gagged as the impossibly strong figure slowly dragged him out to sea. He pounded on its arms but it was useless, the alien did not give.

Without warning, the Collector plunged Shepard's head below the waves, its gaze following his every move. Shepard grasped the hand around his neck but he could not so much as budge the appendage. Bubbles raced out of his mouth and nose as he struggled to get free. The Collector's head was now beneath the sea as well, but no breath was bubbling out from it. It instead continued to leer at him as Shepard became weaker and weaker.

The saltiness of the sea was on his tongue, he could feel it burning his nostrils with its acrid bite. The waves pounded overhead, buffeting him in a current. His eyes stung, blinding him.

Opening his mouth one last time to scream, he felt a wash of liquid pour down his throat as he expelled a burst of air for the last time, feeling it rush towards his-

_CRACK_

Shepard slumped to the hard ground, dazed. He instinctively coughed and gagged, but there was nothing in his throat anymore. In fact, he was no longer on Rannoch. He lifted his head to somehow pierce through the darkness that had enveloped him, but was physically unable. It was as if his whole world had suddenly gone dark. He had gone from drowning in water to drowning in dark.

He rose once more to try to ascertain his predicament. He turned in all directions, silently begging for an incentive to believe that he was not alone. He sighed in self-depreciation, perhaps this was the fate to which he was resigned.

But how could that be? He had made the choice he thought he was the right one. He remembered the glow of a child, the roar of Harbinger. But did the Crucible fire? What happened? Was Tali all right?

At any rate, he was not going to get any answers in this state. But that did not assuage him any for he needed to know everything. He _had_ to know.

"_You have achieved the rank of Commander…"_

Shepard whirled, what was that? A voice?

"_You have become the first human Spectre…"_

He was starting to remember now. He recognized these voices, these words from events in his past. But this had already happened, yet they came through his head like they were being spoken right in front of him.

"_The Normandy is yours, Shepard…"_

"_Go back and get the hell out of here, you know it's the right choice, LT…"_

The last voice made his breath catch in his chest. _Ashley_. He had gone back for Kaiden while she destroyed a facility on the planet Virmire. It had been one of the hardest choices he ever made and was still haunted by her death. He still could feel her presence every night when he slept in his cabin, her soul torturing him.

"Ashley…no…" he whispered.

"How touching," a new voice sneered. But this didn't contain the echo that his incorporeal ghosts possessed. This had a firmness, an edge to it, coming from behind the human.

A clacking of heels caused Shepard to slowly turn around as a new presence approached. Despite the lack of light, he could somehow see a foot come into view, undraped by the shadows. The boot was grey, as were the legs that were now being revealed. The figure was completely armored in a grey armor, it turned out, but it was not human. The form was finally exposed to Shepard as a mottled face gazed at him with suspense.

Saren Arterius.

"Surprised, human?" the turian asked. "I know it has been a long time since we last spoke but this shouldn't have been entirely unexpected."

"What are you doing here?" Shepard sighed.

"You're asking the wrong person. If anything, you should be asking _yourself_."

"Why is that?"

"You tell me," Saren shrugged. "It's _your_ mind."

"My _mind_?" Shepard staggered.

Saren's mandibles parted in a smile as the both of them were enveloped in flame that emancipated from nowhere. Shepard threw up his hands to protect himself but felt no heat. He cautiously lowered his arms and saw that they were in a different location. There was a metal deck, a holographic projection in the middle of the room, and a long corridor that led to a familiar cockpit.

"This is…" Shepard breathed. "The _Normandy_."

He could see crew members frantically running around as sparks flew from nearby consoles. He saw the nearest part of the ship suddenly blasted away by a brilliant yellow light, exposing it to the vacuum of space. Shepard could not feel the effects because he deduced that this was not real. Within moments, the whole ship flared red and exploded in a flash of blue and yellow as the drive core failed, sending the doomed ship to oblivion.

Shepard closed his eyes at the wanton destruction and opened them some time later to find themselves back in the familiar black void.

"Potent memories," Saren mused. "To think that I missed all this…"

"Get…out…of…my…head!" Shepard yelled as he raced toward the maddening turian. With a ferocious swipe, his outstretched hand passed through only air as the form of Saren chuckled.

"So disappointing. You cannot hurt your own demons, human. I would have thought you realized this by now."

"If it's my head, then I should be able to control my own thoughts!" Shepard roared.

Saren shook his head, "Not anymore, I'm afraid."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying…that it's over, human. You've lost."

Shepard's face hardened, "What are you saying, that I'm indoctrinated?"

"Not quite," the turian said as he slowly turned and started to walk away. Shepard, bewildered, followed him at a brisk pace, despite his loathing of the man.

The scene started to clear as the turian's form started to descend a small slope. Shepard trailing him, saw a blue glow permeate the dark. He realized that the source was a fish tank, which appeared to his left as he walked. His eyes widened as he realized that he was in his cabin, on the SR-2.

He heard a familiar voice and turned to see Saren, standing beside a bed, a look of satisfaction on his face. But, to his surprise, seated on the bed were two figures. He recognized himself immediately but the other one was smaller than him, slimmer, and draped in a purple hood.

He slowly approached the bed as he saw himself lift his hands to the quarian's visor and pull it away, exposing her face to the air for the first time as an adult. Shepard scowled at Saren.

"This is not for you to see."

"That is not your choice," Saren shot back. "Your memories are ours, I can do whatever I want with them."

Unable to act, Shepard could only stare at himself as he whispered a few words to the unmasked quarian on the bed. Even though he couldn't hear, he knew what was being spoken. Tali trembled at the words as tears began to fall down her cheeks. She was not crying out of sadness, but out of joy because she had just been told that she was beautiful, when she had feared a more negative reaction from the human sitting across her.

Shepard was breathing quickly as he was reliving the moment. Tali continued to cry and the shadow Shepard moved across the bed to wrap the quarian in a hug, reassuring her that she was perfect. She immediately grabbed his head and passionately kissed him on the lips as both of them fell on the bed, too aroused to even speak.

"All right," Shepard glanced at Saren. "Stop this."

"Why?" Saren shrugged. "Why should I listen to you?"

The quarian's helmet had now been removed, silver hair spilling in all directions, her grey skin shining in the light. She lifted a leg over the shadow Shepard as she kissed hungrily, more intensely, her fingers grasping at her suit, starting to pull it off.

"ENOUGH!" Shepard roared, rushing into the scene as it dissolved around him. He panted, enraged at the breach of privacy the turian had exhibited. Saren, meanwhile, stood in thought.

"I'm surprised that you would choose to lay with a _quarian_," the turian intoned. "I guess that humans don't come first in your eyes after all, Shepard. I will admit, you surprise me, human."

"Shut up," he snarled.

"Touched a nerve, have I? Such a powerful memory, a powerful reaction."

"You…didn't deserve to see her face," Shepard growled.

"You still don't understand," Saren sighed. "Simple primate, when will you realize that you belong to me? To _them_? You have nothing anymore. No matter how much you deny the truth, you…are now…_ours_."

The setting around them had cleared slightly and Shepard trembled as a slight breeze wrapped around him. He saw a dark, cloudy sky. Lightning flashed overhead. Ash and leaves wisped over his feet. He saw now, with horror, that he was in the same place his dreams transported him to every night.

The forest.

"This isn't real," Shepard shook his head. "_You_ aren't real."

"Real is a relative term, human. What matters is what's taking place right now. Who's to say that this isn't real?"

"You…will never take me. The Reapers…they won't win."

Saren laughed, "Even now, you still resist! I must admit, Shepard, you've lasted quite longer than we've figured. It was quite the show down there, with the choice you made and all. All the options presented to you…and you still chose to destroy them. You may very well be _incorruptible after all_."

"What are you saying?"

The turian shook his head, "There was never supposed to _be_ a choice, Shepard, is what I'm saying. You were supposed to take the central path, my path. You were supposed to believe that merging organic and synthetic was truly the final stage for all life. But we could never anticipate the extent to which you stood by your principles. How stubborn of an animal you are."

Shepard tilted his head, "Are…you saying that…"

"I'm saying, Shepard, that what went on in that chamber down there _never really happened_. It was the Reapers. All of it was. They tried to control you and you fought. You broke their attempt to indoctrinate you once and for all."

"It…didn't happen?" Shepard gasped. "But…then why am I here? What is really going on?"

"Indoctrination is not a simple concept. There are many layers to the organic psyche. When one layer is breached, the intruder has access to the next. You sealed your mind, but the presence must withdraw fully if you are ever to leave this place."

"If that never happened, then where am I now?"

Saren barked out a laugh, "Where you last left off."

"The Catalyst, the choices," Shepard coughed. "They were..?"

"The only paths your mind would have accepted as viable alternatives. If you had chosen to control the Reapers, you would have been fully indoctrinated. Do you really think that the Reapers would have been so arrogant as to practically allow themselves to be controlled from a force that is not their own?"

"The Reapers would have been tamed, they would-"

"No," Saren hissed. "_You_ would be the one tamed. Huddled in the corner like a varren in a cage. The illusion of control, Shepard. It was never a choice."

Saren tilted his head as Shepard started to sink to his knees, "If you had chosen to synthesize matter, the result would have been the same. You would belong to the Reapers and the cycle would simply continue without your interference. That was the illusion! Your indoctrination, all of it! If the Reapers could synthesize all life they would have done it by now. There is no such thing in this galaxy, this universe, that can alter DNA with the flick of a switch, it doesn't work like that! But you…your mind formulated a third solution, a way to stop the Reapers but we engineered it to reflect heavy casualties on your side. But…you still went for it anyway."

"It was the right choice…" Shepard gritted. "I couldn't force that change upon everyone…to let the Reapers still exist…"

"And therein lies the root of the problem," Saren announced. "The assumption that you would have chosen to synthesize. The reason why the Reapers haven't synthesized all life is because…they believe differently on the apex of life."

"What?" Shepard asked, numb.

Saren stood over him as the human's eyes widened, "The Reapers themselves are the perfect union of organic and synthetic. In their minds, or collective to be precise, _they_ are the final evolution."

"But…their creators," Shepard managed. "The ones who made the Reapers…"

"Yet another illusion," Saren snorted. "The Reapers were not created. They simply existed from the very beginning. Yet all you heard was not completely a lie. Their purpose has been extended to the far reaches of the cosmos, harvesting on other galaxies, other worlds such as this one. There never were any creators. The Reapers themselves _are_ the creators."

Saren knelt down to address the stunned human, "The cycles exist for one reason, Shepard. To ensure that no race ever ascends to the degree the Reapers have inhabited for all time. They view themselves as the only ones who deserve the cosmic right to be perfect in any degree. The whole point is to eliminate all organic and synthetic life before they themselves can be perfected."

"_Why_?" Shepard could only ask that one question.

"They believe that the ascension of other races will only end in conflict, that one group will fight to achieve dominance over life itself. If others can achieve perfection then doesn't that mean that the Reapers themselves have yet to be, in of itself, perfect? Perfect is a term that denotes a statistical impossibility as perfection is, in all likelihood, a trait that cannot be obtained, but in the eyes of the Reapers, it _is_ a possible achievement. So, they stage these cycles, gathering enough matter to create a new Reaper, their concession that they can create life out of death."

"But why spare races that are less developed? Why go after the ones who have advanced to such a degree?"

"There are an infinite number of galaxies out there, and only so many Reapers. Even though a cycle lasts for a microsecond in the grand scheme of time, the Reapers have to allocate their resources so that they can move on to the next galaxy, harvesting a race after another until they return, and then they repeat the cycle all over again. And in order to facilitate such a monumental process, their perfection of indoctrination has expedited their cycle time immensely."

"Well, it hasn't worked," Shepard grimaced. "I'm still here."

"Shepard," Saren shook his head. "You've been in the Reaper's grasp for a long time. Everything you've done, was made to influence your decision right here, right now. They couldn't control you directly, but they could manipulate you into falling down the right path."

"How?" Shepard said loudly. "How could they influence me if everything I've done was to destroy them _completely_?"

A high pitched laugh then burst through the howling of the wind as a small form, dressed in a white sweatshirt and dark pants, came running out of the nearby foliage. Shepard's mouth dropped as Saren huffed in satisfaction.

"The _child_…" Shepard whispered.

"Yes…" Saren mused. "The child. Familiar, yes? The symbol of the people you failed to save. The ones that you could not rescue."

Dark shadows were spilling across the ground. Shepard could see them take shape into different sizes and forms. Human, asari, turian, quarian, krogan. All were gazing at him with blank expressions, and all were pleading for him to save him.

Shepard jolted as one of the forms morphed into Ashely Williams, her mouth in a sad smile. Before he could speak, it then formed into the slim build of Mordin Solus, who nodded in passing. To Thane Krios who folded his hands in prayer. Then it moved on to the shining form of Legion, who dipped its head in acknowledgement.

The crowd continued to undulate and grow as face after face passed him by, some begging, some accusing. A mother with two children wrapped around her, an asari cowering as a shadow fell across her as she screamed, a tall man with greying temples and brown hair, grizzled face only giving a smile before dissipating completely.

"I did everything I could to save them…" Shepard defended, rather lamely.

"Your so-called selfless quest has changed nothing, human," Saren spat. "You never even realized how far down you had fallen."

"I'm still here!" Shepard shouted. "I gave it my all so that I could save as many people as I could! I had to! But that one child, I failed him and he will haunt me for the rest of my life because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save them all!"

"And yet you never once realized that the child you clung to as an object of your torment never existed _in the first place_!"

Shepard staggered backward, not believing the words Saren had uttered, "You're _lying_…I saw that boy with my own eyes. He was so scared…he needed my help…"

"But did anyone else see him? Anyone besides you?"

Shepard desperately scrambled through the inner workings of his mind, trying to scrounge up the fateful memory. He closed his eyes in concentration, trying to will the encounter from his brain by force.

"_You haven't forgotten how to shoot, have you?"_

"_Just worry about yourself, Anderson!"_

_He could see, to his left, the figure of a young man running to a building, taking cover behind the sliding doors. He dropped down from a ledge as he approached the building from which he had taken shelter. All of a sudden, the Reaper overhead loomed and roared, a red beam spewing from its glowing red eye. The building exploded as the light touched it, windows shattering outward, covering them with glass._

_His eyes stung from the ozone. He lifted himself up as the ruined door allowed them entry. Anderson pushed on ahead to open the door but he could hear a scurrying noise. He turned to the left to see the outline of a head poke out from a vent. He walked over and saw the child inside. Gasping in surprise, he held out a hand._

"_Come on, it's not safe."_

"_Everyone's dying." The child did not sound that scared for some reason. "You can't help me."_

_What did he mean by that? "I can get you to safety-"_

"_Shepard!" Anderson's voice burst through. "Come on! Quit dawdling?"_

_Shepard looked back down the vent but it was empty now. The child was completely gone._

_Later on, as he gazed down from the deck of the Normandy, he could see the evacuation of Vancouver proceeding in the wake of the attack. A destroyer, moving from behind the nearby buildings shrieked as its red eye started to pulse and glow._

_Near the shuttles, was the child. He stood, staring up at the monster, in a position that betrayed no fear. Shepard could now see that no one was paying the child any mind. Even though the small boy ran over to the nearest shuttle, he did not share a word or a glance with anyone else. _

_Lifting off, the shuttle hastily tried to retreat away from the Reaper but it fired, striking the first shuttle. Despite the considerable distance from the explosion, Shepard could still hear the high-pitched scream. The scream of a child-_

"No!" Shepard yelled as he fell onto the dusty ground. His limbs were shaking, his heart fluttering. How could he have not seen it before? Why didn't anyone tell him?

"They…" Shepard's voice was shaky as he trembled. "They didn't look at him…because he wasn't _there_."

"Precisely, Shepard," Saren gloated. "Now you see how far their reach extends. How they managed to torment you from afar. The dreams, the child, all their doing. _Indoctrination_."

The laughter was nearing him again as the child wavered into view, running in slow motion as he appeared to be enjoying himself. Shepard could only gape at the sight.

"He…was never real…"

"There's more to him than that. What do you see?"

Shepard's head rose in confusion, "What? I see…a young man, he's only a figment of my imagination, though…it doesn't matter…"

"It _does_ matter, because he is more than your imagination. Look again."

Shepard peered hard through the swirling torrent, piercing the fog that clouded his vision as he examined the child. There was nothing to see, really. Just the same clothes he wore every single time he visited this damned place. The same clothes, the same stance…different hair.

Shepard frowned. The child's hair was different, somehow. Instead of the light brown that he remembered, there seemed to be a whiter sheen than before. Indeed, for it was not a trick of the light. His hair was pure silver. His skin was also different, it looked…grey. His eyes seemingly glowed from afar, and his hands only had…three digits.

"It…isn't _possible_," Shepard moaned.

"Only what they _wanted_ you to see," Saren said softly. "No one ever said it wouldn't be true."

Tears were forming in Shepard's eyes as he twitched on the ground, "A…a s-_son_?"

"A possible future. A pressure point. A memory."

The child stopped in his place as he saw Shepard. His mouth formed into a wide smile as he started to run towards him. Shepard, not thinking, held out his arms to the boy as he ran, longing to hold him in his arms, to feel the comforting embrace.

Without warning, a red light pierced through the clouds and struck right in front of Shepard. The resulting scream was the most horrific sound Shepard had ever heard in his life. The boy writhed in front of him as his skin started to melt, his hair catching on fire, bones deforming as the intense heat dissolved him. His eyes shone through the blaze, mouth open in pain as he shrieked. Shepard was unaware of his own screaming until the light had died, leaving behind only a pile of smoldering ash, one more donation.

"The surprises keep coming, Shepard," the voice drawled behind him. "My, my, what a night this is."

"SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP!" Shepard bellowed. He roared as he leaped towards the form of Saren, fists still waving through air but he continued to swing his arms. "NOT…ONE…MORE!" He was sobbing as he vainly attempted to hurt the apparition, but he quickly exhausted his energy and crumpled, breathing heavily as Saren smiled.

"Not one more?" came the slick whisper. The shadows at Shepard's knees writhed and he looked up to view his fear incarnate. Tali was now standing in front of him, wavering in the breeze. White orbs blankly shone beneath her mask, her covering flapping from the wind. Shepard could not breathe as he suddenly felt tired, too drained to continue.

"You of all people should know-," the voice said, as a crack suddenly appeared in Tali's visor. "-That there is only _one_ true ending to this madness." As the voice spoke, the crack widened, splintering, with a horrible noise as it continued to grow, creating a spiderweb. With a hiss of leaking atmosphere, the entire plate creaked and shattered outward, exposing her to the harmful air, showering Shepard with glass.

"NOOOOOOO!" Shepard cried as he burrowed his face into the ground, unwilling to see one more thing. Ash and grit flitted into his nostrils, down his throat. He inhaled the musty substance, trying to force himself out of this hell, this nightmare. He body racked viciously as his tears stained the ground, hands grasping the earth in assurance. He silently begged for a release, a way to end his pain forever. Why couldn't he have just _died_?

There was a light touch on his back, a soothing touch. The fingertip he felt was warm, gentle. His muscles relaxed as his breathing calmed. He slowly raised his head and turned around to address the figure who was kneeling beside him and gasped in surprise.

Tali gently gripped both of his hands in hers and led him to his feet, slowly. Her eyes now shone with life from beneath her purple filter, slowly blinking. She brushed off the leaves that stuck to his shirt and wiped away the dirt on his forehead. Shepard did not know what to say before she beat him to it.

"You've been so _strong_, John. You can't give up now."

Shepard pulled the quarian close to his body, hugging her as if she could disappear at any moment, "Can you stay with me?"

"Until the very end," he heard her whisper. "But you still have a job to do."

"Tali…I," he tried. "I don't even know what I have to do anymore."

"Shh," she soothed as she brought a gloved hand to his cheek. "You _do_ know. It's what you set out to do all this time."

"I know what you're talking about…but I'm not so sure if we can destroy the Reapers anymore…"

"Don't say that!" she admonished. "Yes, you are! It's what we've been fighting for this whole time! What _I've_ been fighting for…"

"Tali, the Crucible is a trap. It won't work."

"No," she shook her head. "It _will_ work."

"How? How could it possibly work after I just heard all that?"

Tali tilted her head down a fraction, considering her next words, "The Crucible amplifies the energy of the Citadel, yes? It is meant to draw from its reserves to create a shockwave of power that overloads the Reaper functions, but you already knew this."

"Yes," he muttered dimly.

"That's all the Crucible was _designed_ to do. It was never meant to control or synthesize. It will destroy the Reapers."

"But…I talked with Hackett, they couldn't get it to work…even after I activated it on the console…"

Tali shook her head, "But John, you never _did_ activate it."

Shepard inhaled sharply, "Are you saying that I was gone before then?"

Tali could only nod, "I'm so sorry, John. I can't imagine what you've been going through." Tali's three fingered digits trembled slightly in his grip and he squeezed his hands to steady them.

"I…I don't know what is real anymore…" he mumbled.

"I do know what is…my love for you."

Shepard moaned as Tali held his head in her hands, cradling it as she softly stroked his face. She made a few cooing sounds to steady him, to keep him from falling. Finding strength in her actions, he mustered a burst of energy as he addressed her.

"If I choose to destroy them…will it affect technology like the Catalyst said?"

"No," she breathed. "The Crucible was created to only release its energy on a specific frequency. Anything made by the Reapers will only be affected. They will be destroyed, just as you intended. The technology we rely on will still be intact, we will still be able to use the mass relays, we will still be able to use spaceships. We will survive."

"My implants…the geth," Shepard stammered. "We both have Reaper code in us…a-and EDI. What about her?"

"The Reaper code implanted in all of you is not complete. It is not a pure strand of their consciousness, their DNA. There are not enough connections for the energy to target you. You will not be killing anyone through your actions."

Tali's hand brushed his cheek, "And your implants are only _based_ on Reaper technology. You will be fine, everyone will be fine."

"How do I know that it will happen as you say?"

Tali stepped in closer, "Because I'm telling the truth, John. I would never lie to you."

"I know you wouldn't, Tali. That is one of the many reasons why I love you."

She brought herself in for a hug this time, cutting off any more protests as he felt her warmth seep into his body, flooding him with a strength like he'd never known before. It was one of the few sensations that made him flicker with hope.

He patted her head gently, "I have to go now, right?"

She nodded against his chest, "It would be best."

"I wouldn't know where to start, I have no idea how to proceed."

"I'll show you," she breathed. The clouds above them suddenly cleared as white light flooded the entire landscape. Shepard threw up an arm to shield himself from the rays as the beams swept across the forest, illuminating everything. Tali let go of his hands and took a few steps back as she continued to speak.

"_Go_, John. Come back to me."

The light was surrounding her figure, her contours were getting swallowed up by the brilliance of the illumination. He squinted to get a glimpse of her before she disappeared completely.

"I will, Tali. I will do it for you."

A blazing sun was firing in his chest, a ball of pure energy was lifting him up, above the tree line as he smiled at the exquisite feeling. He laughed as he rose, fingertips tingling with power. He closed his eyes in bliss as he flew through the air, towards his destination, wherever it would be.

"_I love you, John."_

* * *

**_Ah ha! So much for my repeated statement that this chapter would be late._**

**_This took me a while but I had to keep writing as this was one of my favorite chapters that I've ever written._**

**_Let me know what you think about the whole things (explanations on what I've retconned will come later)_**


	5. Chapter 4: Terror

"This isn't about me or you. It's about things so much bigger than _all of us!_"

Shepard's eyes rolled up to the back of his head as he collapsed, cheek hitting the metal floor of the Citadel hard. He groaned in pain as his monumental headache emptied and smoothed out. Spots were dotting his vision as he lay on the ground, clutching his side from which the bullet wound from the marauder burned in agony. Flecks of drool elicited from his mouth as he relaxed in his position, grateful for the slight reprieve.

"Shepard…" he heard a voice gasp, tinged with suffering. "He's wrong…don't listen to him."

He couldn't bring himself up in this state, even if he wanted to. He was just too tired. There was a soft click as polished shoes tramped over to where he lay. He could smell a touch of tobacco in the air, overpowering the ozone that flared from the electricity sparking all around them.

"Get up, Shepard," the Illusive Man growled. "How have you done this?"

Shepard rolled onto his back as he saw a pair of blue eyes gazing fiercely at him. He let out a low laugh as he regarded the man's intensity, "Attempt…failed. You…lost…"

The Illusive Man scowled as his head tilted in confusion. Snarling he reached down and grasped the deformed chestplate of the fallen marine as he hauled him to his knees, fist glowing azure as he tried to simplify the process further.

"Why?" the deformed man hissed. "What did you _do_? Why can't I control you?"

"You can't control me," Shepard said slowly. "Just like you can't control the Reapers."

"That's impossible! The Crucible is the answer! The answer to controlling the Reapers, I know it can be done!"

Shepard laughed, "That's all they _want_ you to know…"

"You're a liar," the Illusive Man gritted. "Why are you now so assured? What _happened_?" He shook Shepard's body in a strong grip until a thought struck him. His mouth fell open as his gaze rose in disbelief. He shook his head slowly, as if he did not want to comprehend what he had just deduced.

"They…" he whispered. "They got to you…gave you the choice…indoctrination." He rose, releasing the marine's armor as he ran a hand through his thinning hair. "You fought it…broke their hold…"

"Shepard," Anderson grunted, sounding sleepy. "What's going on?"

The Illusive Man roared as he savagely brought a knee to Shepard's face, impacting on the soft cartilage of his nose. There was a snapping sound and Shepard was propelled to the floor as blood poured down his face in rivulets. He yelled at the discomfort but soon felt his face numb as adrenaline began to take hold from the abuse.

With a wave of the Illusive Man's hand, Anderson dropped to the floor as the grip on his body faded. Unable to support his own weight, the admiral clutched his stomach as he wheezed silently. Scowling, the well-dressed man bent over to pick up the admiral's fallen pistol as it clattered to the side. Checking to see if it had a fresh clip loaded, he slowly advanced on Shepard's hapless form.

"You would not make the choice that would protect humanity, Shepard. That right now belongs to me as the Reapers left you here to die, by my hand."

Shepard spoke around a mouthful of blood, "Then, it's already too late…you are theirs to control now."

"_I'm the one in control!"_ the man screamed, aiming the pistol at Shepard's head. "I act of my own will and the Reapers have forsaken their claim to you, leaving me to finish the job!"

"He was already claimed first," a new voice piped up from near the entrance. The Illusive Man spun around, pistol leveling down as he was forcefully flung backwards, towards the console, as a burst tore into his torso, sending bits of flesh and suit flying in the air.

Shepard, still lying on his back, slowly blinked his eyes as he spat the salty, iron taste out of his mouth. He had only time to discern the man standing above him for a second before he simply vanished from view, propelled away by an unseen force that loudly echoed throughout the chamber. He lolled his head to the left, peering at the source of the outside interruption. Before he could fully comprehend his surroundings, a smoking shotgun was thrown next to him as a form gently lifted him up so that he was leaning back on someone. A hand gently smoothed over his face as he recognized the pattern on the glove, colored a dark purple, covering three, perfect digits.

"Oh, _John_," Tali hugged him as her voice wavered in a mixture of sadness and elation. "You stupid, stupid, _bosh'tet_. This is the last time I let you out of my sight again."

Shepard had no words for the lithe quarian that was embracing him as though her life depended on it. He uttered a weak laugh as he surrendered his body as she held him, "Are you really here, Tali?" He reached out with a hand to brush her visor, "Are you real?"

"Of course I am," she breathed. "And so are you. My captain, my friend, my _love_. This is real."

A tear rolled from one of Shepard's eyes as he closed them in satisfaction. He relaxed in her arms but tensed as he heard an inhuman moan sound from a body in the corner.

Tali gently lowered him to the ground as she picked her shotgun back up, racking the slide as a clip clattered away. The body of the Illusive Man was stirring, limbs twitching as it slowly started to sit up. When it reached its terminus, it gazed at the two figures seated across from it. The flesh from the former human had slid away at this point, revealing a tangle of blue circuitry embedded underneath blackened, rotting flesh. The man's tongue rolled lazily out of his mouth as he gaped, all motor functions severed. The hair on his head was now falling out in clumps as his muscles seized and jerked in response to a new presence. Tendons popped out of his arms as the wiring glowed red, the blue eyes turning a shade of orange. From out of his mouth spoke a voice tinged with bass, the sound a hellish clamor.

"_Assuming control of this form_."

"Tali," Shepard groaned. "You have to run. Get out of here before he-"

"As if I'm actually going to listen to you!" she interrupted, leveling her shotgun as she rose to face the creature. What had previously been the Illusive Man sprung towards the young quarian but another blast caught it in the shoulder as it was pushed aside. Tali advanced, laying into it with determination and fearlessness. Shepard could only admire her tenaciousness, her devotion to his safety.

"_Your attacks cannot hurt me_," the husk growled as it raked a clawed hand across. The appendage caught Tali's shotgun and knocked it out of her grip. Weaponless, she leaped backward as the thing came to its feet.

Without a word, Tali knelt down to produce the knife she always kept sheathed in her boot. Holding it in a reverse grip, she lowered her stance as the two squared off. The husk, oblivious to such maneuvers, charged the quarian but she sidestepped and simultaneously swung. The knife entered the creature's side and tore away, trailing black ichor and wiring as it exited. The husk now advanced more cautiously before it started swinging its clawed hands like a madman. Tali ducked and weaved and slashed once more, nearly severing an arm as the sharp blade bit into the diseased skin.

As she was doing this, Shepard started to crawl to the console, still unable to utilize his full strength. He was looking for a weapon as he did so but there was nothing in the surrounding area that he could use without wandering into the fray. Such a concern was secondary; he needed to activate the Crucible, now.

"_Bosh'tet_!" Tali screamed as she slammed her knife into the monster's eye, causing it to explode as the point neatly severed the organ. The Reaper manning the Illusive Man was correct in saying that an assault would leave no damage on the temporary tenant as it only growled and attempted to claw her some more.

Reaching for a pistol at her side, Tali unloaded a few clips worth of ammunition into it as what passed for blood spurted out with each impact. The husk was starting to wilt from the assault, her attacks were working. She ducked a nasty blow and raked her knife across the thing's stomach. Black fluid and bits of grey tubing poured out as it was disemboweled, the organs dripping in a brief wash.

Shepard made the last few feet as he struggled to lift himself up by his arms on the front of the display, gritting his teeth from the burning sensation in his ankle. Rather than the complex diagram that he had seen in his nightmare, there was only one icon left. It was slowly blinking, awaiting a command that would order the station to change the fate of the galaxy as he knew it.

As he ascended, he looked backward briefly to assure himself that Tali was all right. She was still fighting Harbinger's avatar, leaping away from each attack as she continued to slash at it with her knife. He couldn't help but feel extremely proud of her in that moment. She had come a long way from being a naïve pilgrim, seeing the galaxy for the first time. She truly was his warrior now.

Midway through a charge, the husk stopped as it finally spotted Shepard on the edge of the platform. Shepard gave a cruel smile as he stood, finger poised over the icon. The thing's expression dropped in a universal expression for shock as he lowered his arm, depressing the symbol as the entire display vanished with a wink. The whole station started to vibrate as it now prepared to issue the surge of energy into the cosmos and beyond.

Before he could word a clever retort, the husk let out an unearthly scream as it charged at Shepard, knocking Tali to the side in the process. He was still too weak to defend against the assault and he grunted as the thing barreled into him, sending him to the ground. He felt a sharp pain as he landed on his bad side, where the gunshot wound was located. He dazedly tried to sit up but the thing planted a foot on his chest and forcefully put him down. Seconds later, Shepard screamed as a sharp nail lacerated his skin, stabbing him through the shoulder as it leaned down for one last word.

"_You cannot comprehend what you've just done, animal._"

Shepard could only move his eyes as the ex-Illusive Man raised its other arm for the killing blow. His world went blurry as he only focused on the lifted appendage. There was nothing else he could focus on.

Suddenly, the husk's head exploded as something tore into it, the impact continuing on to blast through the raised arm, severing it and sending it flopping to the ground. Shepard was suddenly covered in gore and brains as the remainder of the blast settled and the stump of the neck ceased its pumping of whatever fluid was encased in that body. He grunted as he pried the thing's clawed finger from his shoulder, sending a rush of red hot blood bursting forth.

Tali stood only feet away, shotgun still aimed down, barrel smoking, as she approached the scene. Shepard was grateful that whatever god's favor he had incurred had blessed him with the welcome presence of his quarian girlfriend. He felt relief and love swell inside him, eager to burst out in jubilation.

There was, all of a sudden, a brief flitter in his mind. Shepard frowned for a brief second at the irritation, his eyes widening as he now comprehended the meaning. He shut his eyes as he tried to wipe the offending presence from his thoughts once again as the flitter grew into an itch. Tali wavered nearby, anxious at Shepard's behavior.

**Shepard!**

The voice was loud and rough as it screamed, with more fury than he had ever heard before.

**You will never be fully rid of us!**

Shepard watched in horror as his hand moved to the headless corpse of the Illusive Man on its own accord. He reached for a second and withdrew as his hand now held a pistol that had been appropriated. He could feel a chant start to build up the back of his head, rolling with the voice, tireless in its intonation.

"_Shepard_," the voices were saying, repeating it, as if were a daily prayer.

"John?" Tali asked nervously. "What is it?"

Shepard's hand twitched as the pistol jerked in his grip, slowly sliding forward to rest its sights on the quarian. His jaw worked furiously as he tried to make a sound, trying to override the Reaper's control.

_Shepard_

"What are you doing?" Tali gasped, starting to back away as the pistol was still aimed at her in his hand. "John…_talk_ to me!"

_Get the Lieutenant, you know it's the right choice…_

"Tali," he mustered. "I…I can't…"

_Shepard_

**Shoot her.**

His arm jerked as his muscles strained to bend. The pistol was still pointed at Tali, resting towards the center of mass.

_Had to be me, someone else might have gotten it wrong…_

"No…John," she started to cry, falling to her knees. "You know me. You can fight them. You've been fighting them this whole time. Listen to my voice. _Follow it_."

His finger was hovering over the trigger, trembling as it slowly inched towards the cold plastic. It was taking all of Shepard's concentration and might to not allow it to go one inch further.

_Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness…_

He squeezed his eyes shut as tears began to fall, sickened by the quarian's begging and his inability to make a difference. He opened his mouth to start to roar as his limbs quaked in response to drive the gun away from Tali.

_Does this unit have a soul?_

"John..." Tali whimpered. "_I love you_."

A rushing filled his ears, the presence withdrew slightly as a warmth tingled his body. Harbinger was still there and Shepard was unable to shake him. Muttering under his breath, he _concentrated_ and the gun slowly withdrew as he gradually aimed it up towards the ceiling.

Tali sighed in relief but jolted as she now understood where the gun was pointing. Shepard, body and mind calm, had pushed the barrel of the gun to the side of his head. His manner was entirely relaxed, this was the only way out. There would be no other opportunity for Harbinger and his cohorts to control him. He could still be redeemed.

_Shepard_

"Oh, John…" she moaned. "No…"

_Shepard_

He slowly breathed in and out, finger on the trigger as the voices fluttered. He could feel the Reaper in his mind, slowly gaining energy for another mental attack. He needed to move soon.

_Shepard_

"Goodbye, Tali," he whispered, preparing to make the final move, for his final act to be in defiance of the Reapers. He would never hurt her, she would understand in the end. She had to understand.

**SHEPARD!**

"_NO_!" Tali screamed and sprinted at him, hurling her body the last few meters as she tackled him. The gun was knocked out his grasp and clattered off the edge, tumbling into the heart of the station. His brain was a torrent of disjointed thoughts and was all rattled when Tali fiercely punched him in the jaw, desperate to drive the invading demon away.

"_Come back to me_!" she shrieked. "I know you're in there, John! Don't let them win!" She grabbed his head and shook it forcefully, as if the action would send him back to normal. "Fight, John! _Fight_!"

Her hands, despite their rough actions, were frightfully _hot_ to him. There was a searing sensation every time she touched him but he felt no pain. In fact, he could feel life flooding back to him. The fog in his head was now starting to dissipate, his limbs twitched in response. He could control his breathing now as it steadied. The chanting subsided as it lowered in volume. He gave a small smile as he reached into the back of his mind and _pushed_.

**RRRRRRRAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!**

The voice that screamed was a cacophony that gave sound to his worst fears but he steeled himself and felt the wraith depart the company of his head. He gasped as his headache vanished along with the Reaper, everything suddenly got quiet and still, except for the quiet sobbing of the quarian who was currently cradling his body.

"Tali," he said, voice hoarse. "I won."

* * *

High above Earth's orbit, pilot Jeff "Joker" Moreau frowned as the reports flooded his screen, weary at the overall tone. The bottom line was that the shit was about to hit the fan. The volus fleet had been completely extinguished, the turians had lost half their vessels, the asari capital ship_ Destiny Ascension _had been badly hit and had retreated and Earth's forces were now operating at a quarter of their original strength. And between evading all of the debris caused from battling the Reapers in space combined with dodging the lasers of doom, he was astounded that he hadn't been killed already.

It's not like Joker could have left at any time. He had a duty to his home, his commander, to stay until the end. He needed to know if they would win this war or not. From the looks of things as he glanced over at a nearby screen, it was not going to end up well on their end. Dozens of Reapers had been destroyed but there were still thousands milling about in the background, waiting to join the fight.

A nearby explosion buffeted the Normandy and he jerked the ship to the side to avoid the shockwave. He was about to radio a call for assistance when all of a sudden the comm burst open on all channels as Admiral Hackett's voice spoke rapidly.

"All ships, this is Admiral Hackett. The Crucible has been activated. Proceed to a safe distance at the edge of the system and await further orders. Repeat, the Crucible is about to fire. Retreat from the planet at once."

Joker could scarcely believe it. The commander had come through in the end. He always did. He vowed to himself to never doubt the man again as long as he lived.

Standing behind him, Liara T'Soni cocked her head, "Wait, Joker. What about Shepard?"

"We have received no transmissions from the commander," EDI said in Joker's stead, seated beside him in Dr. Coré's body. "It is possible that Tali'Zorah managed to extract him."

"But then we should have heard from either of them by now," Jeff said. Another look at his visual display saw that the center of the Citadel was starting to glow red as a ball of energy was expanding from where the Crucible was docked. Their allotted time was running out fast.

"I don't know…" he muttered to himself. "Maybe, we can swing by…try to see if they can-"

"Normandy!" a voice burst through the static. "This is Tali! Do you read!"

Joker lunged for the controls as EDI's dexterous fingers worked to clear up the signal, "Yes, Tali! Normandy standing by. Is Shepard with you?"

"He is-" she started before a burst cut her off. EDI frowned and worked the console until Tali's voice filtered through cleanly again. "-the shuttle en route. Where are you?"

"A few hundred thousand klicks away from the station."

"That…" her voice faltered. "That doesn't give us enough time, Joker."

Joker frowned, "Are there any other ships in the area that can pick you up?"

"N-no. It's just us…"

Joker shook his head in indignation before Tali spoke again, "Joker, just get out of her-...-be fine, what matters is that you get to safety."

"Are…are you sure, Tali?" Joker asked cautiously.

"Not really," came a self-depreciating laugh. "But it's the right choice."

"It doesn't feel right." He winced as yet another explosion grazed the Normandy's hull. Liara was glancing in all directions in worry. Even EDI was starting to shift in her seat.

"It's the only way," Tali said firmly. "We'll see each other soon."

Joker only nodded as he adjusted the controls as the ship veered away from the planet. "Dammit," he mumbled quietly. No one else was talking to him, they understood the stakes as perfectly as he did. He maneuvered the ship towards the massive structure at the edge of the solar system and relaxed as the purplish light enveloped the windows above him.

Something was different this time, the controls were reporting vibrations all over the ship. When they were in the middle of a jump, this kind of transition was seamless. Sensors were picking up a large anomaly headed their way. Joker's hands flew over his controls as he fought to adjust the heading of his ship. Some were starting to spark as they overloaded. A rattle was now being emitted from between the bulkheads.

Joker growled as the light outside his windows began to turn red and closed his eyes as the ship bucked and rolled as _something_ washed over it.

* * *

Shepard coughed beside Tali as she switched the comm off in the shuttle. Seated in the front, he looked back to see the limp body of David Anderson positioned on one of the benches in the center of the craft, body rolling from side to side as it banked.

Shepard's body was a mess but his wounds had been cleaned up by Tali on the station. Medi-gel had been applied to his more ghastly injuries and the result was that he felt much better. She was certainly a guardian angel.

Tali adjusted a button and the Kodiak tilted so that the bright orb of the planet Earth was in its sights. She let out a small laugh at their success which quickly turned into a cry of horror as everything sparked and zapped as a sea of red filtered their vision and passed as the electric sensation moved on.

"Was that…" Shepard said weakly. "The Crucible?"

Tali banged the console with her fist, "Stupid _bosh'tet_!" She turned her head towards the human sitting next to her, "John…we just lost power for the Kodiak."

He could now feel that the craft was trembling more than normal. This meant that the motion dampeners had been disabled. "What…all of it?"

"Auxiliary systems are back online but I don't have control anymore," she slumped. "We're just going to keep on going until we crash, I guess."

"Just have to hope that the heat shields hold, I guess," Shepard sighed.

"It's so _cruel_," she gasped. "It shouldn't have to end like this."

She glanced around nervously as the craft shuddered more violently this time, the glow intensifying from the windows.

Shepard closed his eyes and beckoned to the quarian, "Come here."

Tali immediately got up from the chair to sit on Shepard's lap, arms wrapped around his head as she brought her visor to his forehead, nuzzling.

"I'm so proud of you, John," she whispered, even though there was no one else who could hear them.

"I'm just glad that I could spend the end with you, Tali."

The quarian sighed as she hugged him, "I always knew you could do it…"

Shepard closed his eyes as Tali's warmth spread across him, "I am so lucky to have met a woman like you, Tali." He could feel her start to withdraw as she positioned herself to look at him straight in the eyes. "When this is over, do you know what I'm going to do next?"

Despite the terrible noises the Kodiak was making in response to entering the Earth's atmosphere, her fears were allayed as she shook her head in confusion. "No, why?"

He smiled as he brushed the side of her visor with his hand, "I'm going to Rannoch and I will build you that home. _Our_ home."

Her hands shot up to her face in a blur so quick that he didn't have time to register the movement before her mask suddenly came off, her hands tossing it aside. She peeled off her hood and back of her helmet, allowing her shoulder-length, silver hair to flow down. Her blue eyes were shining and she lifted her grey head to Shepard's, mouth opening as the two brought their lips together for a kiss.

The kiss was wild, passionate, and reassuring as both forcefully shut their eyes, only concentrating on the one point of contact. Their hands wrapped around the other as they firmly squeezed, their lips mashed together as they allowed their tongues to meet, movements quick and deliberate, their lust unbridled and raw.

The Kodiak was now shaking horribly but Shepard and Tali continued to kiss, frozen in that point in time where nothing else in the universe mattered to them. They were no longer afraid. Afraid of dying or losing the other. Wherever they would go, they would be together.

Bright light was now streaming into the craft as it bucked and shook as it was now fully in the atmosphere. Friction was heating the craft, making the interior warm. Gravity was pulling down on the object as it plummeted to Earth. Skimming through the air, the powerless Kodiak sliced across the expanse as its slight angle aimed them towards the ground.

The occupants did not care as they deeply inhaled, taking in the other's scent. Still locked in their kiss, Tali and Shepard stopped all movement as they held each other, clutching their bodies together in protection as the sensors pinged multiple warnings at them, the craft shaking in all directions, rattling them.

There was a moment of absolute stillness and then came an awful grinding sound as metal was wrenched away, debris flying as the world turned around them. There was a good ten seconds of the bottom of the craft scraping along the ground as the Kodiak started to disintegrate. The friction finally slowing its velocity, the shuttle eventually came to rest as the surrounding landscape came to enjoy the silence once again.


	6. Chapter 5: An End, Once and For All

She blinked her eyes. The place was quiet, empty. Cautiously, she raised her head in confirmation to her surroundings.

The shuddering of the craft had ceased, the horrendous noises quieted. All her fears had been doused in that one instant.

She tensed her limbs, feeling her muscles cramp from the effort. So she wasn't dead. That was a good sign. Curiously, she still wasn't wearing her mask. This was immaterial, the craft was sterile enough. But furthermore, she needed to know where she was before she could get too excited. There was something in her grasp, though. An unyielding object that prevented her arms from coming directly to her body. She glanced down to peer at the obstruction.

With a small gasp, her mouth fell open. Shepard's head was tightly pressed against her chest, eyes tightly shut as he had embraced his fate. His mouth was set in a hard line as he still strained his body to block out the beckoning of death itself. He had not noticed yet of their transition into solitude. His mind was still warped from the encounter on the Citadel. He needed an outside force to shake him out of his daze.

"Shepard!" Tali whispered excitedly. "John, wake up!"

Shepard grunted, sounding sleepy, as he slowly pried his eyes open. Blinking in the darkness of the craft, his vision blurred and centered on the quarian that was still entangled around him, seated on his lap.

"Tali?" he asked, eyes squinting in recognition.

She nodded dimly, eyes filling with tears as he abruptly brought his head in to kiss her on the mouth. She happily responded, letting all of her inhibitions run wild and free as the both of them continued their loving duties. The feeling was strong, sweet, and addicting to Tali as she treasured this moment every step of the way.

As he broke the kiss, Shepard breathed, "Are…are we dead, Tali?"

Tali shook her head quickly, with joy, "If we were dead, then this would not be such a bad ending. But we are alive…and that makes this even better."

She leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. Both closed their eyes as they savored the other's touch. Shepard ran a hair through the quarian's silver hair as she stroked the back of his head.

"Does this mean…" he said slowly. "…That it's over?"

Tali brought a hand around to stroke his cheek, "You did it, John. You beat them."

Shepard rested his back against the chair of the shuttle, "A lifetime of war…and all of a sudden, it's done."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing, is it?"

"No," Shepard said, looking straight into Tali's blue eyes. "It isn't."

She repositioned her body so that her back was now lying against Shepard's chest. Tali folded her hands across her lap as Shepard embraced her from behind. Both human and quarian sighed in the silent atmosphere that the shuttle provided.

"Thank you, Tali."

"For what?" she asked, mouth frowning in puzzlement.

"For being there for me. I would have been lost without you."

"I…I don't understand, John."

"When I was on the Citadel…the Reapers…they managed to indoctrinate me."

Tali let out a small gasp as her eyes shone, "They...they did it? But...how did you...?"

"I was trapped in some kind of limbo. They showed me my worst fears come true...they tried to break me in that one moment."

"I..." Tali stammered, slightly shaking her head. "I don't think I can hear any more of this..."

Shepard gave the quarian in his arms a squeeze, "Wait, Tali. The reason why they failed was because they didn't take into account one thing. A goal that I clung to in my despair. The one bright point in my life."

Tali's head rose as she began to understand, her mouth opening in shock.

"It was _you_, Tali," Shepard smiled. "Even after all they did to get to me, I could only think of you. _You_ brought me back, _you_ saved me in ways you cannot even imagine."

Tali quivered in his arms as he gently ran his hands down her arm, stroking her in reassurance. Silently, Tali began to cry, overwhelmed at Shepard's devotion to her. Tears ran down her cheeks as he softly leaned in to kiss her cheek. Her brain was wracked with emotion, she was completely overpowered. All she could do was remain in her position as her lover, her savior, continued to nuzzle and embrace her, calming her down.

"What...what should we do now?" Tali mumbled after some time had passed.

Shepard gave a small shrug, gently teasing Tali's hair with his fingers, "I'm not sure. I don't even know where we are."

She leaned her head back to face him, "I meant after we get out of here, wherever it may be. What were you thinking on doing after that?"

He drew his hands tighter across her chest, "I'm tired of saving the galaxy, Tali. It's all I've been doing for the past three years."

"Not exactly a low-stress job."

"Exactly. So, how about this?" Shepard shifted his body so that Tali could have an easier time looking at him. "First chance I get, I resign from the Alliance. I put it all behind me and that's the end of it."

A hand came to Tali's mouth as she gaped in shock, "_What_? You're certain?"

"I'm dead serious. I don't want to fight anymore. I want to relax, settle down, have a normal life." He took a deep breath before continuing, "But most of all, I want to be with you throughout the whole thing."

Tali whirled as she grasped Shepard's head in her hands, "Promise me, right now you _bosh'tet_. Promise me that you meant every word you said." He bottom lip started to tremble, "I…I c-can't bear to be separated from you a-again. If we're going t-to do this…I n-need to be certain…certain t-that you…"

"Tali," Shepard said gently. "I love you. I promise that I will be with you until the end. I'm _yours_ now. Nothing else will take you away from me, _that_ I swear."

"You…really are…_mine_," she gasped as she hugged the human with all of her might. Shepard returned the fierce embrace, encapsulating the quarian in a feeling of ultimate contentment, having finally achieved closure in this chapter in her life.

There was a slight rumbling noise in the air. Shepard and Tali both lifted their heads as the noise raised an octave. They glanced at each other in confusion.

"A rescue party?" Tali asked. "So soon?"

Shepard smiled, "Probably detected the shuttle as it entered the atmosphere. I'd better- agh!"

"John!" Tali exclaimed as the human tried to rise and was immediately assaulted by a stabbing sensation in his side, ankle, and shoulder, causing him to slump back in his seat in pain.

"Rrghh," he groaned as he clutched his side, his hand coming away red. Tali, now alarmed, moved to retrieve her visor on the bottom of the craft, twin snaps and a hiss of air indicating a correct latch, and quickly dabbed a bit of medi-gel on her lover's wounds.

There noise was now a slight roar as Tali could hear the characteristic _whoosh_ of engines from a set of Kodiak shuttles. Rather than open the door to greet their visitors, she carefully laid Shepard out across her lap.

"Damn it, John," she softly admonished. "You're relentless. You need to stop and take care of yourself before you burn out, do you hear me?"

He gave a brief smile, "I'm not worried about that anymore. I have _you_ to help me…"

Shepard continued to smile as flecks of debris started to collide against the shuttle, creating soft _pings_ that echoed throughout the hold. Tali grasped Shepard's hand in a firm grip to which he returned, but his expression eased as his exhaustion began to take its toll.

"Please stay awake," Tali begged. "Don't leave me behind."

Shepard laughed quietly, "Never again…Tali…my love."

There was now a harsh rapping on the door. Tali, after giving herself a brief check to see if there were no breaches in her suit, cried, "Yes! Yes! We're here!" She scrambled to her feet and rushed over to the door of the Kodiak, depressing the door control as the entire craft was suddenly flooded with light and heat.

"Un…_believable_," came a deep baritone voice. Tali squinted in the light to discern the person who spoke when she suddenly felt herself being whirled around the air in an enormous bear hug.

Urdnot Wrex let loose a bellow of a laugh, "Tali! You little pyjak! You did it!"

"Wrex!" Tali gasped, trying to draw a breath from the krogan's embrace. He set her down, gently this time, as he continued to laugh in absolute glee.

"How are you here?" Tali asked, confused.

"It was simple," came another voice, this one quieter. "Just a matter of following the tracker installed on the shuttles. Not a hard task, Tali."

Tali laughed as Kasumi Goto stepped from around Wrex. She sprung forward to give the thief a warm hug. Wrex, in the meantime, beckoned to a squad of soldiers outside and they rushed forward with a stretcher to pick up the semi-conscious Shepard who was lying on the ground.

As the men were preparing to transfer him to the stretcher, Wrex knelt down to address the human. "Shepard, you are the _luckiest_ bastard that has probably ever lived in this universe. Sometimes I even catch myself wondering if you were a krogan in a past life."

Shepard opened his eyes slowly, giving a small smile and a weak laugh, "It was never intentional, Wrex. I only did what had to be done."

"Well then, you've got an overinflated sense of duty there, human. But it was an honor to know you and to call you my friend."

Shepard held out a hand from the stretcher as the medics lifted him. Wrex gingerly grasped it in his huge hands, giving a firm shake, as brothers.

The medics now started to move outside, where another team walked in to secure Anderson's body, treating the admiral with care and respect. Shepard blinked in the harsh light as a blast of heat washed over his mangled face.

The surrounding landscape was flat, shrubs lined the dusty ground as burst of wind blew sand every which way. The sun blazed down overhead, causing his skin to bristle in discomfort. In the distance, rocky mountains lined the horizon, bare of vegetation. The soldiers' feet crunched on the dry ground, their footprints indenting the earth. He coughed at the new sensations, craning his head to address one of his carriers.

"Where…where are we?"

The man looked down and smiled, "Just fifty miles outside of Barstow."

The town sounded familiar to Shepard, "Barstow…California?"

"Yes, Commander. Welcome home."

He sighed and laid his head back to let the rays of the sun assault his body. The warmth came as a relief to the battered human, the basking heat was a welcome presence that pushed the cold residue from the Reapers away.

All of a sudden, a hand was gently laid down across his shoulder. Shepard glanced up to discern his visitor. When the facial features were revealed to him as his eyes adjusted to the shadow that the figure cast, he immediately started to sit up until the man carefully shook his head.

"No, Commander," Admiral Steven Hackett said. "You don't need to salute. You've done enough."

Shepard, fighting to control his training, obeyed the admiral, "I…I'm glad to see you here, sir. What happ-"

Hackett interrupted him, "All your questions can wait, Shepard. Right now, our biggest focus is getting you back to your full strength."

"My crew…what happened to my crew?"

"Admiral," one of the medics interjected. "We need to move him quickly."

Hackett nodded and stepped aside but not before addressing the commander one last time, "I'll come back the instant you are ready. You won't be out of it for long, I promise."

Shepard dimly nodded as he was whisked away towards the shuttle that was patiently waiting across the sandy ground, engines sending up plumes of sand. He shut his eyes as the grit peppered his face, threating to choke him.

Tali, busy conversing with Kasumi, only now saw where Shepard was being taken. Excusing herself, she bolted for the shuttle as Shepard was being strapped in. She was desperate to reach the craft before it left. He foot caught on the brush and she tumbled forward a few feet. Scrambling back up, cursing at herself for her clumsiness, Tali brushed herself off and continued to travel the last few meters.

Before she could enter, a nearby soldier wrapped an arm around her waist, stopping her in her tracks. She screamed, "_Let go of me_!" but the armored man wouldn't budge. She started to beat on the arm with her fists but she could not do any damaged to the armored gauntlets. Her efforts to free herself were weakening as her resolve was being sapped. She shed a solitary tear as the craft prepared for liftoff.

"I…have to be with him," she begged quietly. "He said that…nothing else would _separate_ us…"

"Soldier!" a stern voice barked. "Release the admiral!"

Shocked, the man loosened his grip and Tali seized her chance to wrest free and run past the guard. Continuing to run over the sand, she gave a nod to Admiral Hackett in thanks.

"Keep him safe, Admiral Zorah!" he called.

"I will!" she yelled back.

Finally reaching the Kodiak, she stumbled into the cramped interior as she found a seat next to Shepard's stretcher. Sensing a presence beside him, the human opened his eyes and beamed as he saw his quarian sitting next to him. He twitched his hand towards her and she grasped it with her own, her grip reassuring him. They said nothing as they continued to stare at the other, both reflecting on the finality of the past few hours and the unknown future ahead of them.

A medic then jabbed a syringe into Shepard's arm, depressing the plunger, injecting a specialized cocktail of drugs into Shepard's system. Immediately, Shepard's eyelids began to droop, relaxing his grip in Tali's as he embraced the black, noting how comforting it felt this time.

* * *

It seemed like only seconds later when Shepard began to feel his body again. He was aware that his orientation meant that his back was propped up, yet he was still lying down. He felt well rested and the pain from his injuries had greatly subsided. In this position, he was at his most comfortable, probably more comfortable than he had been in years.

As he finally opened his eyes, he took in his surroundings eagerly. The room was sparse, white, as he realized that he was in a hospital. The whole room was dedicated to him as his was the only bed. A desk filled with get-well cards was positioned on his left, some of them even arranged on the nearby windowsill for there were so many.

Shepard's left hand came to his face as his right seemed to be pinned down by something. He gingerly felt his face, sensing no pain from the cuts he sustained back on Earth. He lifted up his shirt to view his left side and exhaled when he saw that the gunshot wound had been completely healed over, as was his shoulder when the Illusive Man had stabbed him. He felt better than ever, to be honest.

His right arm was still pinned. Annoyed, he glanced over to see what was obstructing the use of his limb when he stopped and stared in shock. Tali was lying right next to his side, her body partially atop his as she was still asleep. He could see her breath rise and fall through her suit, her visor was blank as he could clearly see that her eyes were closed, based on the lack of the white glow from the other side.

He craned around to perceive a clock on his desk. It read ten in the morning but what was intriguing was that it read three days after he had arrived on Earth.

_Had she been here the whole time?_

Carefully extracting his arm, he reached around to draw the quarian closer to him, gently positioning her so that their heads were at the same height. She sighed in the new position, her body slightly shifting to the interaction. Shepard leaned his head on her visor, brimming with delight to know that he would get to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loved.

As if on cue, he saw a slit of white appear on the other side of the translucent mask. In less than a second, two white orbs suddenly shot wide and Tali practically jumped to hug the human in a gesture of love.

"John!" she exclaimed. "You're…you're awake!"

Laughing, Shepard returned the action, murmuring from the warmth of Tali's body as she gleefully savored his presence, "I'm here now, Tali. I'm here…"

Before she could utter a loving reply, the door at the end of the room slid open and she scrambled off the bed as their visitor entered the room.

Admiral Hackett briskly strode into the room, his hat tucked underneath his arm, mouth in a wide smile.

"Commander," he said. "The staff noticed that you were awake from your vitals. I promised that I would be there when you awoke. And I keep my promises."

"I'll…just," Tali stammered as she backed toward the door. "If you…I mean if you don't need me…"

Hackett held up a hand, "I'm going to have to insist that you _stay_, Admiral Zorah. You will need to hear what I have to say, and the commander needs you right now."

Tali looked at Shepard's longing face as he gazed at her, waiting for her to return to him. Embarrassed at her shy nature, she quickly walked back and grabbed a chair so that she was by his side again. Shepard held out his hand, much like he did days ago and she confidentially grasped it.

Hackett also appropriated a chair as he sat down on the opposite end, "So, Shepard. How are you feeling?"

Shepard sighed, "Much better, Admiral. Although I have to ask, where exactly are we?"

"You're currently in the care of the staff of the Ronald Reagan Medical Center at UCLA."

"I'm still in California, huh?"

"Well," Tali added. "It is a rather beautiful place. At least from what I could see from the room."

Shepard turned to face her, "And how long have you been here?"

Tali's head tilted down a little. "The whole time," she mumbled quietly.

Hackett could not detect the surge that Shepard suddenly felt from his heart at the quarian's words so he continued on, oblivious, "I would imagine that you'd want to know exactly what's happened over the last few days."

Shepard's head shot back to the admiral, "Yes, I do. What happened when the Crucible fired? Did the fleets make it? Did the Normandy? What about-"

"One at a time, Commander," Hackett said calmly. "You have to be careful in your state as you are still very fragile. You just need to take it slowly for the next week until you're back to normal again."

"I…" Shepard started to protest. "I understand."

"But, in regards to your first question, the Reapers were completely immobilized when the Crucible fired. We have been scanning them for the last few days and can detect no signs of life or any signals emancipating from those machines. It worked exactly as it intended."

Shepard slumped in relief as Hackett continued, "On the other hand, the blast did damage the Citadel and the mass relay network, by that I mean that they were shut down." Noting Shepard's anxious expression he continued, "We're currently working on restarting the relay in our system. This isn't a big deal, Commander. We expect to have it back online within the week and from there we can start work on repairing every last one in the galaxy. It will be an enormous undertaking, yes. But with the galaxy working together on this, I'm confident that it will be a simple order to accomplish."

Shepard's brow furrowed in concentration, "So, what happened to the Reaper forces? What about the Cerberus troops still isolated across the galaxy?"

Hackett nodded, "The blast caused all Reaper forces to disintegrate so there is no trace of their existence left. There are no more troops to oppose us anymore. As for Cerberus, the same fate befell them because their last troops had been so heavily integrated with Reaper technology that the blast did not discriminate between the Reapers and them."

"But…what of the geth? They had Reaper upgrades too."

"The geth are fine. As of right now they are making huge progress towards repairing the relay. Our best guess of why they were spared is because they were never provided actual physical upgrades, only a snippet of Reaper code when they achieved consciousness on Rannoch."

Tali lightly nudged him, "Then that must mean that EDI is fine as well! She had less upgrades than the geth so there's no reason why she should have been affected."

"Thank god," Shepard sighed, his worries completely alleviated as his conscience was eased.

Hackett continued to smile broadly, "From your actions, Commander, I'd wager that every civilization in this galaxy is going to want to pin every single medal that they have on your body. Beyond that I really cannot say what other kinds of accolades you will accrue as you have accomplished several feats that have gone unparalleled in human history, perhaps in all _galactic_ history."

"You're making it hard for me to attempt to be modest, Admiral."

"I never exaggerate, Shepard. You're going to be looked at as a hero, whether you like it or not. And there are some rumors that come from the top that they want to promote you to a new rank, be it admiral, or a title that they would manufacture specifically for you. To be honest, Commander, your entire life has changed from this point forward."

Shepard gave a faint smile as he clutched the quarian's hand in his grip, "My life was changed a long while ago..."

He continued to stare out into space for a few extra seconds as he considered the admiral's words. When he was only a grunt in the Alliance, the rank of admiral was his ultimate goal in life. He wanted nothing more than to command an entire fleet of ships, traversing the galaxy and having all that power to himself. However, those days were long behind him as the entire war with the Reapers provided him a new outlook on life. A career in the military was no longer an option, for the past few months, he had a completely new objective. Making the decision was relatively easy at this point.

He confidentially raised his head as he looked straight at the admiral, "Whether these rumors are true or not, you'd have to give them my appreciation and my condolences as I wish to resign from the Alliance barring my discharge from the hospital."

Hackett continued to smile, "Is that your final decision, commander?"

"It is. I just don't have it in me anymore to carry on with the military. There is nothing for me if I continue on that path. But...there is something...some_one_...that is waiting for me on the other side."

"Between you and me, Shepard, I figured that this was the path you were going to take. No man would possibly want to throw themselves back into the fire after what you've accomplished, especially when you have a loved one waiting for you at the end of that fire."

Tali awkwardly tilted her head at Hackett's words as Shepard laughed at her reaction. Hackett winked at her and continued to speak, "I would assume that this would mean that you are also going to resign your Spectre status as well?"

"You're right about that, admiral."

"I'll pass along your message to the Council then. I would guess that there's no changing your mind and it is a decision that should be respected, considering all that you've done."

"I appreciate that, admiral."

Hackett patted the man's knee as he rose, "I am just glad to see that you're doing better, Shepard. When the day comes that you walk out of here, _that_ will be your greatest victory."

Shepard laughed at that before frowning, "Wait, admiral! What about the Normandy? Did they make it out all right?"

Hackett stopped and turned to fully face Shepard, "The Normandy managed to reach the relay before the Crucible's blast overwhelmed the area. Based on the distortion from the energy, their route must have been distorted as the entire network went haywire. However, we have been tracking their signal and it looks like they made it to a planet in the Apien Crest. Based on the stagnant readings, we have to assume that the Normandy most likely crash landed in the area."

Shepard breathed out, "But…it _is_ possible that they survived?"

Hackett nodded, "Regardless of its fate, we are sending out a fleet to discern for ourselves once we get the network back online."

Shepard sat up, alarming Tali with his quick movement, "Admiral, request permission to head the fleet to search for the Normandy."

A small smile crept across Hackett's features, "Even though you expressly wished to resign your commission as soon as possible?" The question was serious but the tone was not.

Shepard shook his head, "That is _my_ crew. I have a responsibility to them." Tali nodded emphatically as he continued, "If the fleet won't follow my orders, that's fine, but I still insist on being there when they leave. I need to make sure that they're safe."

Admiral Hackett nodded, "Permission granted, Shepard."

* * *

Joker closed his eyes as he listened to the slobbering of the turian seated behind him. He desperately pounded away on the keys on the holographic display in front of him, trying to drown out the disgusting noises. Fed up, he turned his chair around so that he could properly engage the turian.

Garrus was currently peeling a fruit, juice dripping everywhere as he lifted the segmented pieces to his mouth. His hands were coated with the sweet, sticky substance but it just made Joker wince when he saw that it was starting to drip on the floor.

Sighing, Joker waved an arm, "You know that someone's going to have to clean that up, right?"

Garrus looked down, curious, "Oh, sorry Joker. Didn't think that this fruit would go _everywhere_."

Joker rolled his eyes, "Why can't you eat that down in the mess?"

"Because it just wouldn't be right. I'm the only dextro on this ship now and since everyone else is levo, I can't really enjoy a meal from this planet without drawing looks of ire."

Joker had to concede the turian's point. A week ago, Joker had maneuvered the Normandy into the Charon relay, per Tali's insistence. When the spark of energy touched the ship, it sprung forward to the safety of the blistering speeds that the mass relays brought. However, midway through their journey, a shudder had rocked the ship and had sent them spiraling through several relays until they were unceremoniously yanked out of their travels to crash onto a distant planet below.

It was only through the quick acting of the ace pilot that the ship was able to land mostly intact, albeit it was now immobilized as an entire wing had sheared off during the crash. When everything settled down, EDI managed to produce a schematic of where they were from the remaining power supply that they currently had.

EDI determined that they were in a small corner of the Apien Crest on the planet Digeris. This was rather fortuitous as they were a relative short hop away from Palaven, the turian homeworld. But because they assumed that all of the turian fleets were in the Local System, they surmised that rescue would not be as immediate as they thought.

A week later and the crew were starting to get testy. EDI had assured everyone that the tracking beacon was intact and operational but it still did not make any sense why no one had picked up their signal yet. At least the war hounds like James and Javik managed to let loose their anxiety by sparring practically 24/7 in the cargo bay. Everyone had their own way of reducing stress.

Garrus had taken to exploring the planet with Liara and Kaidan, his broken leg mended by Dr. Chakwas after a few days in a specialized cast. A few samples from Liara proved that the planet was dextro in its chirality which was a mixed blessing. For one, it meant that Garrus had an ample supply of food, which was lucky as the Normandy's dextro stores were getting low, but this meant that the crew had to ration the rest of the food.

Finishing his snack, Garrus grumbled, "Still, I wish that Tali was here. She could probably find a way to fix this ship right up."

"Tali'Zorah's experience with mechanics would be a benefit," EDI replied from beside Joker. "But inconsequential as the damage to the Normandy is too catastrophic for conventional repairs."

Garrus rolled his eyes, "You're very reassuring, EDI. You could make a wedding feel awkward, I bet."

"Hey, lay off her!" Joker snapped, glaring at the turian.

Garrus held up his hands in submission, "You're right, Joker. I apologize, EDI. But I'm still worried."

"Worried about what, Garrus?" EDI asked.

"About Shepard and Tali. Whether they're all right."

Joker shrugged, "Ah, the commander cheated death once before. I'm sure he got out of this one."

"Enough with the bullshit, Joker," Garrus huffed. "I want to know, what do you really think?"

Joker wilted in his seat as his gazed dropped, "I…I don't know."

"Shepard accomplished his goal regardless," EDI assured. "He would be proud either way because of what he did for the galaxy."

Garrus nodded, impressed, "I can accept that, EDI. What I can't accept right now, is sitting on my ass any longer." He stood up as he made for the airlock door, throwing the fruit peel to the side as he activated his blue eyepiece.

"Where are you going?" Joker asked.

"Out. I have no idea where."

Depressing the airlock release, Garrus blinked in the light as he stepped down onto the rocks that served as a makeshift staircase to the ground.

He walked over to where the nose of the Normandy lay as he looked around the area. They were in a forest, a tropical one, and Joker had one close call because the nose was almost hanging over the edge of a steep cliff. Garrus could see forested hills beyond and the light blue of an ocean. There was a dampness in the air and Garrus could smell rotting vegetation and salt.

He paced around the clearing for a few minutes, trying to formulate a plan for where he would go today. His leg twinged a bit and he growled, grasping his limb to control the pain. He should not have been exerting himself so much after Earth, he was still not fully healed. But he could not just sit idly by and do nothing. He had to help.

A loud noise interrupted his thoughts as he whirled around to face the rear of the Normandy. It sounded like an engine. What was Joker doing? Was the idiot powering the ship up in a vain attempt to escape their prison? He debated running back into the ship and smacking the human upside the head when he determined that the noise was a bit thinner than the Normandy's bass thump of its propulsion systems. It actually sounded like a smaller craft.

Breaking into an awkward jog, Garrus ducked underneath the Normandy's one remaining wing as he sped past. The engines were still dark which meant that the noise wasn't coming from the Normandy. But where was it coming from?

Turning in all directions, Garrus could see the hints of blue and white through a clump of trees a hundred meters away. Curiosity bursting at the seams, he smacked branches aside and kicked away leaves to reach the object.

Garrus activated his omni-tool and sent a burst message to Joker, ordering him to alert the crew. He pushed aside the last branch and gasped at the sight.

A Kodiak, in Alliance colors, stood proudly in a clearing, ferns waving from the output of the engines. Garrus could hear voices coming from the opposite side of the craft but the noise was drowning them out. He quickly moved around to approach them.

As the sound began to die down, he could now understand the words being said, his heart jumping at the familiar sounds.

"Scans show the Normandy is in that direction."

"Are you nervous, John?"

"Yes, Tali. I am nervous. I don't know what I'm going to say if they're still alive-"

Garrus mandibles spread in shock as he stepped from the side of the craft, "There…is…no…way…"

The two figures standing next to the Kodiak turned. Shepard burst into a wide smile as the incredulous form of Garrus stumbled out to meet them. Garrus could hardly move from the shock until Shepard closed the gap and lifted the tall turian in a brotherly embrace.

"Garrus! You son of a bitch! You're all right!"

Garrus' jaw was opening and closing but no words were being uttered, "How…how is this possible?"

The form of Tali soon joined them as all three were now wrapped in a hug. Garrus' arms patted the two numbly, as if he could not accept the sight in front of his eyes.

"You're…you're _alive_, Shepard…and...Tali, you too…"

Tali giggled in his arms, "Yes, you _bosh'tet_. We made it…and so did you."

Garrus' knees gave out as he suddenly collapsed to the ground. Shepard and Tali followed, alarmed, but Garrus held up a hand in reassurance. Breathing hard, he tilted his head up to meet Shepard's eyes.

"Did you…did we win?"

Shepard grinned, "Yes, my friend. We won."

Garrus sat still for a few seconds before bursting into slow laughter. He closed his eyes in bliss as he laid himself down on the ground, continuing to laugh as he finally whooped in jubilation. The turian was going mad, Shepard had never seen him this giddy in his life.

"Garrus?" a voice called from the Normandy. "What is it? Where are you?"

Sitting up, the turian practically screamed, "Liara! Get everyone over here now! Shepard! It's SHEPARD!"

A sudden crashing through the undergrowth indicated that the asari was maddeningly making her way towards the three. Soon, Liara T'Soni burst out from the trees to also wrap Shepard in a hug before making her way to Tali, cradling the quarian like a sister.

Within minutes, James Vega, Javik, and Kaiden Alenko also ran out to meet the commander, each greeting him in their own way. James, giving Shepard a tremendous slap on the back as he laughed, Kaiden providing a solemn hug, and Javik extending a hand as he gave a small smile. All were eventually joined by Joker as he stumbled towards them, EDI beside him every step of the way.

The ecstatic tension practically reverberated around the forest as the entire group celebrated the return of their beloved friends. In the middle of getting encircled, Shepard could only look at Tali the whole time, and she could only look at him. As Garrus and Vega lifted Shepard into the air, he extended a hand to indicate her. With a nod of knowing, she stepped forward to meet them as Shepard was lowered to the ground. Smiling at the group, Shepard moved in to grab Tali and enveloped her in his arms as an indication that they had completed their final mission. Now, they were free.

The cheering echoed throughout the jungle as the noise reached towards the stars, towards the future, wherever it might take them.

* * *

**_I am so, so sorry for the delay on this chapter. Between relocating for a new job and severe writer's block in the beginning, it was tough for me to get this one out on time._**

**_Although, this story is almost done so it should be completed by tomorrow._**

**_I'll give my eventual thought process afterward but let me know how you think this turned out._**


	7. Epilogue: Peroration

"—_You are watching a special Westerlund News Broadcast, A Lasting Peace, reported by Kalisah al-Jilani, brought to you by Armax Arsenal."_

"_Welcome back, viewers. As you are aware, it has been four years since the galaxy was approached by a race of sentient machines called the Reapers. Machines that threatened all of us with extinction and were ultimately pushed back by the ultimate might of our combined forces, together._

"_In the last segment, we covered that our victory was not made possible without the involvement of one man. A solitary man…and his equally astounding crewmembers. To have the entire galaxy indebted to such a small group of individuals is by no means an astonishing feat and we recently reached out to all of them to give them a retrospective on the last few years since the conflict._

"_At the Alliance headquarters in Vancouver, we briefly talked with former Spectre Kaiden Alenko, who had resigned his position at the Citadel to pursue a full time career with the Alliance military. Captain Alenko now heads the SSV Normandy as part of the 63__rd__ Fleet, along with its noted pilot, Jeff Moreau._

"_Moreau had also elected to stay in the Alliance following the conflict, stating that 'Flying's all I'm good for.' For his involvement and dedication throughout his tenure, his request to stay aboard the Normandy alongside its indispensable copilot, the artificial intelligence EDI, was granted and he was awarded the Navy Cross._

"_Urdnot Wrex returned home to Tuchanka where his accomplishments of driving out the Reaper forces off the planet were rewarded when he was summarily appointed to be the chief clan leader for the entire krogan race. For the krogan's participation, the Council made the unprecedented move to extend an offer of representation for the small group, to which Wrex accepted._

"_Accompanying Wrex back to Tuchanka was Urdnot Grunt, the second of the two krogan to serve on the Normandy. Grunt, pictured here, is now a seasoned military commander and has been known by his unit to exhibit unique combat skills combined with a newfound patience._

"_Liara T'Soni moved back to Thessia to help with the rebuilding process. She still resides there, working part-time as a successful information broker. From her experience dealing with prothean technology, she co-wrote the bestselling book 'Journeys with the Prothean' with the last prothean, Javik._

"_The enigmatic prothean currently calls the Citadel home and has made a living traversing the galaxy, experiencing the wonders that this cycle –the last cycle- has to offer. There have been many requests for Javik to come speak about his culture but he has been very selective among such offers, many of which belong to the hanar._

"_James Vega, shown here, is now a major in the Marines where he has experienced a colorful career in the military's N7 program, their highest echelon for their troopers. Major Vega can be considered a military man through and through, dedicated in his duties and never hesitating in his leadership._

"_Zaeed Massani, the famous mercenary, now retired, spends his days on Earth. When attempting to get an interview on his private island, he refused all requests and hurled several abrasive remarks at our staff to get us to leave. Seeing as he was a decorated war hero and a killer, we took his advice and left._

"_One of the more mysterious crewmembers, Kasumi Goto, disappeared from the public light entirely shortly after the war ended. From time to time there have been sporadic sightings of the woman but tracking her down to procure an interview has been a monumental undertaking and one that will not seem to end, given her precarious nature._

"_A curious case, the woman simply known as Jack has been a true story of redemption. As a little girl, she had been experimented on by Cerberus scientists, crafting her into a powerful biotic. Years later, she was recruited to the Normandy's crew and she now spends her time as a teacher for Grissom Academy. From the students that we were able to acquire blurbs, she remains one of their favorite instructors for her devotion to her teachings and her pupils._

"_The asari justicar Samara, like Ms. Goto, also disappeared from the limelight rather quickly. Knowing the adherence to the Justicar Code, it is likely that Samara is out there, performing her duties and bringing justice to the unworthy._

"_As a former Corsair, Jacob Taylor has led a hectic lifestyle, working for the terrorist organization known as Cerberus for a few years before deserting the cause in favor of following his commander. Through his experiences, Taylor is now in charge of security for a noted corporation where his wife, Dr. Brynn Cole, works. A father and a family man, Jacob Taylor has been grateful to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel._

"_Since the departing of her father, Miranda Lawson has disbanded the remnants of his company in light of his horrific actions during the war and used the liquidated assets to start her own logistics company. Miranda and her sister, Oriana, currently share joint ownership of the company and according to financial reports, the whole endeavor has been financially prosperous._

"_Garrus Vakarian was reinstated into the turian military, achieving the rank of general in two years. He now commands the largest fleet in the system, having become one of Palaven's most respected military leaders. Throughout our interview, which we will broadcast in full later, he still maintains an air of modesty, as though he never expected his life to turn out like this. Knowing the turian's prowess in combat, it is clear that we are in good hands with him around._

"_As for the quarian, Tali'Zorah, she accompanied Commander John Shepard to her home planet, Rannoch, where they now reside together. Both of them resigned their military commissions immediately following the official announcement that the war ended in order to pursue a quieter lifestyle. Any requests for interviews have been politely declined and we believe, this reporter above all, that we should respect their wishes for they are the ones deserving of a rest from the hectic bustle of the outside world. Still, it is a good feeling to know that the two of them managed to find companionship in the end, I can't think of anyone else who deserves it more._

"_We will be right back after a short message from our sponsors. This is Khalisa al-Jilani, sign-"_

CLICK

* * *

The remote was tossed onto the couch, the soft substance yielding slightly to the weight. Fingers tapping on the countertop, the figure who switched off the feed slowly walked over to the nearby door and opened it. Sunlight streamed in through the aperture, casting long shadows as the glow of the afternoon sun illuminated the room.

The figure blinked in the light and stepped out onto the balcony, feeling the soft prickle of warmth permeate his skin. He breathed in the dry air as he savored the intricate aroma of the sea nearby.

He walked around the balcony to perceive the front of the establishment. From here, he could discern two figures in the distant field of grain, one hovering near the edge, while another was playfully running around in the golden stalks.

He leaned against the railing and smiled, appreciating the calmness and solitude. He felt like he should call out to the two but the one closest to him turned at the sound of the door opening. He could see her silver hair waving in the breeze as she gave a loving smile. He reciprocated the movement as he merely waved a hand, beckoning them inside.

She nodded and turned around to call out to the third, smaller figure. He stopped chasing the local fauna in the field as he heard someone calling his name. The little one saw her waving him over and he let out a high-pitched laugh, smiling furiously as his legs propelled him over to the house. The woman quickly scooped up the child as both of them laughed, starting to make their way back to the entrance.

The man met them halfway from the house, taking the child from the woman's arms and stopping to give her a long kiss. As they looked at each other with a longing, he opened the door wide to let her in first. Setting the child down, ruffling his hair, he gazed one last time across the golden, rocky terrain before smiling in relief.

And with that, he shut the door.

* * *

**Mass Effect: Peroration**


	8. Afterword and Appendix

**Rob's Notes:**

For this outing, it was a relief to start on a story that was more on a smaller scale than the last few that I wrote. Writing _Peroration_ was a topic that I had gestating for a while now and I'm glad I could see it through. Being a huge fan of the Mass Effect universe, I was monumentally upset at the ending to the epic trilogy and I began creating ideas in my head that would be considered more acceptable as my own headcanon to the debacle.

It was a painstaking maneuver to make sure that I wrote all of the characters correctly and to give my reasoning for their actions. The end result is something that I am reasonably pleased with, a strong ending that the Mass Effect series deserved.

The word "peroration" means "coda." Because this was only dealing with the ending, having it as a literal coda to the series made sense as a title. Funnily enough, the original title of this story was _Mass Effect: Coda_, but I had to change it once I realized that there was another story that shared the same name, so I switched it to _Peroration_, which sounds a little more obscure and professional, a happy accident.

* * *

**Prologue**:

For some of my stories, I had been commended for my use of realistic dialogue in military scenarios so I was itching to use some of my experience writing more, as I like it when I can make the scene sound more realistic to the reader. It sucks them in more and builds upon the world.

I made sure to make a few small changes in this chapter so that the audience would know that it wouldn't be a simple retelling of the story. It gave me a chance to write more heart-wrenching dialogue between Shepard and Tali and to actually introduce Harbinger as an actual character. It was all an exercise in expansion and I made sure to play up the dramatic nature as far as I possibly could.

Recommended Music:

Serve Us: "Tornado" by Hans Zimmer from the film _Man of Steel_

**Chapter 1:**

What I loved about writing this chapter was showcasing how devoted Tali was to Shepard by stealing the shuttle. In the past, I have been rather disappointed in myself for not embracing Tali as a badass warrior and I didn't want to portray her again as a crying, sniveling girl so I made sure to not pull any punches with developing her character.

Readers will spot a parallel with that scene and the one I wrote in _Third Stage_ but in actuality it was this scene that I had envisioned long before that actually inspired that, I only got to write it now.

Tali Steals the Shuttle: "Warp Core Values" by Michael Giacchino from the film _Star Trek: Into Darkness_

**Chapter 2:**

Now this is where I started to break the lore of the established universe. I never liked the idea that the Leviathans created the Reapers for the purpose of preserving organic life at all. It never made any sense to me in the games so I just wrote them out completely to fit in with the characterizations that Sovereign revealed in the first Mass Effect. With that in mind, it gave the Reapers a more chilling perspective as their motivations became more and more nebulous as this scene went on.

What was crucial about this scene was that Shepard was only thinking of Tali throughout the entire scene and how she influenced his final choice in the end. I wanted Shepard's decision to have some weight in it and to have the knowledge that someone loves him was the one factor that prevented him from falling into the Reapers grasp. It fit the character and I love where it ended up.

Make the Choice: "Tiangong" by Steven Price from the film _Gravity_

**Chapter 3:**

Out of all the chapters I have written, this is the one that I can say is my favorite. The idea of a mental confrontation was the one thing that persuaded me to write this story (seeing as I hadn't read another FF that featured it, which is not a lot because I don't read that many FFs to begin with) and I spent most of my time outlining it.

The idea that Saren would be Shepard's guide throughout his whole experience was not the original plan. The first concept would be to have the figure shapeshift between Saren, the Collectors, and the Illusive Man but this was scrapped as I would have to embody several different characteristics which would have made the scene more clunky. As it is, I do like that Saren is the one to share in Shepard's torment.

Of course, the themes present in this chapter and the next briefly made me consider changing the rating to M but I decided against it as there is nothing terribly explicit but they were fairly intense to write.

With that being said, I'm not sure how the audience took my alternative reasoning for the Reaper's motivations to "harvest" organic life. This explanation made more sense to me than just doing it for the hell of it. They're machines and they believe they're perfect so preventing other from ascending to perfection would be a natural cause to initiate conflict.

And yes, I did include several themes from the Indoctrination Theory as influences but since that theory did not offer an explanation on what happens afterward, I had to create my own ending. Pretty much, this whole chapter was devoted to "fixing shit" that I was dissatisfied with, namely the endings, the choices, the Reapers' motivations, the entire ending. To have it take place in Shepard's head made so much sense because the audience now could explore these alternatives in a place where time is not so much important and can be more readily accepted.

(There is also a slight easter egg to the _For Her_ trilogy in there somewhere, even though it is rather difficult to spot)

Drowning: "Watertank" by Junkie XL from the film _Divergence_

Saren: "Stay With Me" by Clint Mansell from the film _The Fountain_

Ascension: "Truck" by Unknown (I have no idea who wrote it, just look up on YT the words "Truck" and "Steve Jablonsky," you'll know what I'm talking about)

**Chapter 4:**

Remember when I said I didn't want Tali to stand around and do nothing? Well, here was that chance for her to kick some serious ass.

I initially pictured the fight with the Illusive Man to be a team effort with Tali and Shepard but I changed it so that Tali could have all the glory and that Shepard, in his weakened state, could only focus on activating the Crucible.

Because I am a fan of multi-staged fights, I wanted the Reapers to have one last shot at controlling Shepard and paralleled his situation to Saren's by almost having him commit suicide. The fact that Tali was there only heightened the dramatic tension and brought a heavy weight upon the story.

Through Destruction: "Shenzou" by Steven Price from the film _Gravity_

**Chapter 5:**

I labored over this one for a while, trying to write a few scenes every time I got on. Like I said in the afterword, I had several things preventing me from releasing it on time and some of the presentation might have gotten lost in the struggle. I might have to go back and clean it up but it will suffice, for now.

I intentionally downplayed some scenes because I did not feel like dragging them out to the point where the audience gets bored. I condensed them to the point where they should be at that spot where they want just a tiny bit more before it finally ends.

Reunion: "Ender's Promise" by Steve Jablonsky from the film _Ender's Game_

**Epilogue:**

This was made to give the sense that there was some actual closure for this series as a whole. Having a news broadcast offer a quick summary of the crewmembers was the obvious choice for getting this done.

Plus I could finally give an actual decent ending to Shepard's story. I left some plot details vague but those are elements that I don't want to explain and will leave it to the audience's imagination.

Close: "Where To?" by Marco Beltrami from the film _The Wolverine_

Bonus Cue – Tali's Theme: "Tris" by Junkie XL from the film _Divergence_

* * *

So, when all's said and done, you have this smaller tale that I've had in my head for a while that I wanted to finally share. I did enjoy writing this one a lot and I wonder how everyone accepts the changes that I've made. All criticism welcome.

In the future, I have a few ideas for one-shots that I want to develop that will reuse characters that I've made in the past. They will tide me over until the next big thing crosses my head (which could be a while). Anyway, thank you all for reading and I hope to see you all again.

It was a pleasure.

-**Rob Sears**


End file.
